When life hands you lemons add alcohol and stir!

[mishka422]

Happy New Year to everyone. It's 1.5 hours until midnight here. Marc is in his room playing Wii (since the new TV is still blown out and they haven't set up a time to come fix it yet - I have to wait until after the 8th to call them again). I'm in my room watching a football game and vegetating. Oh what a lovely NYE.

Gabe is on his way back from work. I took dinner to him at the store and he looked positively depressed and talked like he was super sad. He just called to ask if I needed anything from the store before he came back and he still sounded like he was in the dumps. Oh joy. I'm having a hard enough time without having to try to be 'up' and all happy happy for him. I don't want to. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. How dumb.

There are so many thoughts in my head. I try to not think about why he acts the way he does, what it is he wants out of me, what is going on and where this is going. Obviously I'm not very successful.

I'm looking at your list OT and I honestly don't know how to do any of that.

1) Live authentically? How? I'm terrified to let my guard down. I can't be myself, that is the person that gets dumped on and and discarded.

2)Stop making choices that hurt me? I've stopped making choices because they are all wrong because they all hurt. I now just let things happen as then will and deal with the aftermath. It's not good, but it keeps me from beating myself up for bad choices.

3) I know I don't have perfect insight into what Gabe wants. I have NO insight into what he wants. I only have an idea based on his history with me. That's enough. He's not a complex person.

4)Again.....I make no choices.

5)Can't get on the Wii until I have a TV in my living room that works.