I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[ClingingToHope]

New Years Eve has kind of turned into New Years week -- and I'm seriously tired.

Tuesday, a friend was in from Massachussetts and we headed out. He got divorced in 2009 and has been one of my call buddies when I'm down.

Wednesday, girls were over and we just laid around. That was good.

Last night, I got free hockey tickets and took friends from my church group -- then I went to a friend's fiance's birthday party. That was too much fun. I had to get a ride home at 2 a.m. so I'm moving at half speed today.

The crowd was -- except for me -- a bunch of mid 20-somethings. There were eight couples, all either married or engaged. All nice people. I was talking to another friend and we counted them out and figured statistically four of these couples aren't going to make it. I remembered when STBXW and I were in our 20s and everyone was getting married. Sad thought.

The Match_36 girl has been texting to see if I'll come up and see her tonight. Part of me reaaalllllyyyy wants to, but I turned her down. She isn't what I'm looking for and, thinking with my brain here, it makes no financial sense to spend money and gas going to see her.

I'm actually in at work. I volunteered to be the editor tonight so I could get an extra day off during the week. I'll get off at 9 p.m. and another old coworker is having a party. I'll head there for a bit. If it's fun I'll stay. If it isn't? This year I'll have no trouble going home and getting some sleep. Last year, I was DESPERATE to do something, anything. Not now. I have a poker game planned for tomorrow.

I am looking forward to 2011. 2009 was the year the bottom fell out. 2010 was the year I dusted myself off. 2011 is the year I take off again.

I've taken some hammering on the boards, but I feel like I came a long way this year. Finding the house was a key. Getting my brain out of the fog so I could start thriving at work was key. The Thursday night church singles group was very key. Sorry, even Match_36 was key.

There are bumps in the road ahead. Finishing the divorce is the great unknown. I am curious how I will feel the day it's done? I have a tentative plan to just go sit at church when it's over and write a long letter to STBXW -- and then safely tuck it away in a safe deposit box.

We'll see. I won't celebrate, that's for sure.

New Year's resolutions.

1) I really want to finish writing a book this year. That's the one thing professionally I can do that would change my life. I need to finish one. I said that last year and I made progress but didn't get there.

2) Find a new way to stay in shape. This toe injury appears to be permanent, which means the end to competitive basketball. I have been playing since I was 11 years old. I'm going to miss it and I'm going to miss how it kept me in shape without me really having to work at it. Now, I have to figure out a plan and stick with it.

3) Stay on my spending plan. It feels good to know I've rebuilt my life to the point where I can go out pretty much every night if I wanted to. I can't afford that so now it's my choice to stay home and not a lack of options. That's key.

4) Stay connected. An awful lot of people have helped me over the past 18 months and as I keep going and rebuilding things I need to remember to stay in touch. I dropped a lot of people from my life as the M went south. I don't want that to happen again.

5) Remember what's important and that's D11 and D8. I've read some other resolutions on here and several include a "find someone" this year. I'm not going to include that. I'm going to keep all doors open -- including to STBXW -- and I don't know if the right person will walk through one of them this year, next year or whenever. But I'm not going to put artificial barriers in place or artificial deadlines to meet. I am ready to date, but I'm going to be awfully picky this time around.

6) Stay humble. Listen instead of give advice. Keep looking for ways to help at my church. Let go of the things I can't change. Have infinite patience. Set an example for the girls.

That's enough rambling.