Well, I plan on getting my investment advice from a variety of sources, so I'm not really concerned as much about that aspect. I've been around long enough to know that a lot of what passes for investing "advice" is pure BS - maybe well-meaning BS, but BS nonetheless. I can do my own asset allocation and portfolio rebalancing, I'm very good with math and finances. So I'm more concerned about keeping fees on trades and mutual fund purchases down.
Hmmm....Scottrade looks to have lower fees than either Ameritrade or Etrade - AND has an office a block from my work. Anybody have experience with them?
We went before the judge but didn't have a trial. 6 years they said was a good deal since they could have gone from the time of seperation and I would have lost a year. I worked full time almost the whole time that we were married so that may have thrown a wrench it.
Child support is what gets him, half his pay every two weeks. One child will drop off in June but then he still has the other three. Plus he will still be helping with college though there is no requirement for him to do so.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Yeah, the "point" of alimony is to rehabilitate the wife so she can work - go to school or take time to catch up in her career. (I, of course, think it should fully compensate stay-at-home wives for what they have given up career-wise but it is not designed for that). Permanent alimony seems to usually only happen if the spouse has some disability that might prevent them from being fully employed, or when the marriage has been quite long and the spouse is older (ie a 55 year old woman who has never worked outside the home, maybe?). So whether and how much the wife has worked is pertinent, also what kind of work etc.
(One of my friends, whom I met on here but who turned out to live a quarter mile from my house, got permanent alimony. But she was a 20 year SAHM, has rheumatoid arthritis, and was in her mid-fifties at the time. I don't think it's all that common in California otherwise.)
Permanent alimony used to be very common. Alimony until the former wife remarried. Now it isn't common at all. 19 years is a long time though. Oh well. I am certainly not racing to get remarried before the alimony runs out. It will happen when it does. I worked part time when each of the kids was little but went to full time in between and had been full time for about 4 years before he filed.
Well I have faith in me. I will be fine.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Chiming in here... I was married for 19 years when the divorce finally went through. I did not get any alimony. In California, as Ellie says, the "goal" is to get the wife (or dependent partner) "back on their feet." I worked during the entire marriage, but never full time.
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Thanks for the replies gals--unfortunately, new dilemma!
On Sunday night my STBEXH spent the night in jail. He finally hit me--hard--on the back of my head/neck as I was bending over.
I was being a pain (asked him over and over to not blare the television late at night--he has one in his room (I'm in the spare) since the TV is on my wall and after saying prayers with S15 I again said--not too nicely--you need to turn that off. I need my sleep (true--I have been steaming over this for a while and I can't get to sleep).
He gets all "I pay the bills around here and as long as I do that I can....blah blah blah".
So I unplugged the television and he jumps up and plugs it back in. So I bend down and begin to unplug again and BAM--I think he used both fists and I saw stars!! It REALLY hurt and I have had a headache since. Ugh.
So I call the police, they come out, take a report--H gets dressed and is waiting outside for them. I tell them I DON'T want to press charges but 5 minutes later they knock on the door and they announce they are taking him to jail and he'll see a judge in the a.m.
I was pretty scared by this--I mean, you know that this may happen intellectually, but to have it REALLY HAPPEN is really, really surreal! I have had friends tell me for months that he would get worse, and then... he did. Ugh.
So he is now on a "no contact" order for me and my son until the 18th.
And he was charged with assault, not domestic violence--anyone know how that works or what that means?
I really hate this!! I mean, I know we are getting a D and all, but I still, IDK, can talk to him and he talks to me. But now I am in this house by myself looking out for S 15 and it is really strange not to be able to bounce things off of him and have someone to sort of speak to.
But on the other hand, it is rather liberating. I guess like a lot of things, it's a matter of getting used to.
Meanwhile, I have to give a depo tomorrow. I tried to talk to H's dad to get H to cancel it but I don't think he will. At least I know H won't be there (I'm not sure he was going to be there anyway, but he acted like he was going to be there--probably trying to intimidate me.) It's going to be a very expensive day. Ugh. And stressful. And I still have a huge headache every day. UGH!!!!!
I am terribly sorry that happened! Time to move on for sure. I had always told ex that if he ever hit me I was gone(though I said it jokingly, I also meant it. Saw enough of that growing up.).
Don't feel bad for him crossing the line, it was his choice not yours. Maybe he will realize that he can't always get his way because he makes money. Jerk.
(((((Laura))))) thinking of you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
lauraoh! i finally found your thread! i was looking in "divorced but not done" and wondering when you were gonna post. but i totally missed this forum. sigh .. alzheimers? lol.
