I don't have much time to post right now, but I wanted to tell you that you are in a good position right now. Your sitch isn't so different from mine (I didn't deal with sexual abuse, I had panic disorder and depression), and my H held on to it for a long time. We had an in-house separation, and it both gave ME the space to detach a little AND the opportunity to show him my changes and how I'd be fine if it didn't all work out.
It is going to require a lot of strength on your part. NO MORE R TALKS. None. NO MORE TEARS IN FRONT OF YOUR H. I used to wait until H went to work, then I would give myself 10-minutes to cry. No more than that. Then I got BUSY.
I got a lot of good advice, and if you look at my threads during my sitch, everything I did is in there. I became a strong, strong woman because of all of this, and I look back at the whole situation as one of the hardest BUT one of the most important events in my whole life.
I'm going to post a copy of a post by Jen_Jam that helped me tons when I first started in a separate post. DON'T PANIC. DON'T TAKE ANY EMOTIONAL ACTION--48-HOUR RULE BEFORE ACTING. If it's the right thing to do, it will still be the right thing to do 48-hours later.
If you're not in IC, go. If you think H might be willing to go to MC, then you can ask...my H was willing even though he thought he was in love with some ho' from his work. It was TOUGH...but it was also the first time we laid all of our issues on the table and dealt with it. If H won't go, then go to IC and start working on you. My IC during the time helped me tremendously.
I'll check back in later when I have more time...hang in there!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
