STBXH wants to show kids what a "real family is"

[MeMyselfandI]

After much soul searching the last couple of days and really taking stock of where I'm at, I've decided to try a different approach because it seems that LRT is not working. It has helped me to detach somewhat and put me in a different place. Although I still feel bouts of resentment and anger, my heart seems to have opened up with some compassion for my STBXH. I've realized that things have been pretty cold and negative between us and I'm certain it is not helping my situation in the slightest.

I've also discoverd that my STBXH's LL is words of affirmation. I should have seen through this long ago; however not having the wonderful knowledge of the 5 Love Languages, I guess I was not enlightened. STBXH has always prided himself on helping others and now I can see why. Following his providing Acts of Service, he would always receive WOA come pouring out and therefore, everyone else would be speaking his language. I on the other hand, would be somemwhat frustrated because he took time away from things WE needed to do to help others. Bad combination ... everyone around him, speaking his LL while his W was condemning him.

I have never really been one to ask for his help, although he has offered on numerous occassions to do things around the house to assist me. Well, here goes ... the last night of our kid's hockey tournament, the group is going to an NHL game. I sent STBXH a text to ask him if it may be possible to get an extra ticket to the game. He said he was still confirming numbers and thought he would be able to. I thanked him ... in hindsight, I think I should'a maybe said, "thank you, you're the best". Oh well, baby steps on those LL's.

We ended up having a couple of other text exchanges as I was trying to reach the kids. Turns out, they had stopped by some friends for a quick visit and it turned into dinner. He said he would have kids call me when they got home. Most of our exchanges over the past few months have been very short, to the point, all business, end of discussion, never joking. That was not the case with this exchange. There were so many times I thought I had put the conversation stopper out there but he kept them coming.

Couple of hours after initial text, conversation goes like this:

STBXH: This has turned out to last way longer than expected and D is going to sleep here tonight. 100% personality flip compared to when I menti

ME: I'm guessing u were saying mentioned ... only got half text. Anyway, no worries, I can talk to them tomorrow

STBXH: Downloaded a new text program, must have cut first half out

STBXH: Shortened version of the first message

ME: No prob, you might want to change that program. Now you got something that makes no sense LOL. Have fun tonight.

STBXH: Its supposed to split long texts into 2. You got the second one only

ME: Nope, think I got 1st one only

STBXH: Too bad, its a cool program

ME: Do you have the one called Spinvox?

STBXH: No, its called crunchsms

ME: Spinvox is kinda cool, it converts your voicemails to text. Can be kinda funny, for example, some of the names that come up when (My boss) calls and leaves a voicemail, like Alfonse. Always feel like I'm in a Happy Days rerun or something

STBXH: Funny, is it free?

ME: Pretty sure it is. Not really sure where it came from because I don't really remember downloading it but I was BB challenged when I got my phone. Now I'm an expert Ha ha.

STBXH: I'll search for it later and see if I can find it

About an hour later, I received the second half of his first text. Too funny.

Sorry this is long and likely all over the map but charting a new course is kinda like that. It felt good to have a normal discussion about something not business/kid related and even some joking.

So, new approach. Realize he is hurting too and be more open to light conversation. Work on speaking his LL but not overdoing it. Baby steps. New goal for the next week.

STBXH will initiate a conversation with me that is not kid nor business related.

Thoughts?