I can do this...

[Lorie1964]

Eric! I love the recipe!!

[punkin]

Love the recipe Eric, but could we increase the alcohol intake just a WEEEEEEE little bit? Or is that 'add taste'?

[irishblessings]

Journaling....
I hate him! He is so arrogant! Since D wouldn't engage him in conversation today - when I got to S's game this evening - he planted himself right down in the middle of the area where I sit. He has been for every game creepily sitting up high in the stands by himself. Everyone noticed - made me feel sick.

Then - "good intentioned" parents take me aside to share what they have heard. It is so awful. I just smile and say "it's been tough - just trying to support S". Really - I want to die. Death is easier!

[dl443322]

Oh sweetie, take a breath.

Try to calm yourself. It doesnt do you any good to get yourself so upset.

I know how hard it is to see it played out in public. But, just remember who you are. Remember that you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. That's all his. Let it be.

You hold your head up high. You go to those games looking fine and if he sat where you usually do, put yourself somewhere else. But do it as if he is just someone to feel sorry for, ya know?

You be your best self. And if you dont want to talk about it with people, you tell them so. A polite, I'd really rather not talk about it, is all you need to say.

IB, I know this is hard for you but you can do this. You just have to have the right mindset.

One time, h came to an event of our son's. He acted all high and mighty. I just did my thing. Laughed and enjoyed myself and paid him no mind. In the end, he just looked crazy and people were shaking their heads at him. LOL!

Comes back to you feeling comfortable with who you are. Let him blow in the wind. IB is too busy having a life to worry about some fool and where he is sitting, right?

[irishblessings]

Brooklyn - thanks for checking in! Don't know what I would do without you! I just haven't found the right outlet for all of this frustration!!! Arghhhhh!!!! He is such an idiot!!!!!!!! And I am left to keep it (family) together!!!

Thanks so much!!!

[dl443322]

You're welcome.

And yep, he's an idiot. But that is not something you can control.

Unfortunately we are left behind to pick up the pieces and keep the family together.

But you know what? I am doing it and so are you. And I have grown so close to my son. Something that might not have happened if this didnt.

You have to feel it and then let it go because if you dont, it weighs you down and saps your energy. And there are better uses for that energy.

Sometimes I would go and sit in my car and scream my head off. Called him some names in there that would make a sailor blush.

But, in the end, I realized that that is just giving him more power over me. And that is something I do not want to give.

So, you got it out. Now shake it off and continue moving forward.

Dont try to figure him out, that's like nailing jello to a pole.

Get back on the path and figure out what kind of life you want to live.

Be the person you want to be. Leave him to deal with own mess.

[dl443322]

One more thing, you are now feeling anger, IB. That's good. You are moving along in the grieving process.

Use it to propel you forward.

[angel61]

You are strong. Keep it up!

If ever I get to be in your sitch I think I will just go away to a place as far as possible from where H is and just live a life with my daughter, so I could move on.

I keep on wondering what would happen if both parents are a mess, and can only be glad that one of us keeps our head and sanity. Be glad you are that one, and do everything and anything to keep it that way.

[irishblessings]

Thanks Brooklyn - and Angel - I pray you NEVER find yourself in this situation.

I have had a rotten few days at the tournament. My S is really struggling emotionally - he and Ds have SO much frustration and the fact that they try to be "good" kids and be respectful causes them to pent up the feelings and take it out in other ways. I have to figure out a way to work with them to handle their feelings more productively (says the pot to the kettle!)

I am ready for the new year. Seeing H over the last few days and his nasty disposition and seething arrogance has made me more ready than ever to be rid of this toxic presence in my life. My kids and I deserve BETTER and I am going to make sure we get BETTER!!

[punkin]

Irish,

May the road rise up to meet you. I believe that is part of an old Irish blessing.

I believe you will have happiness, peace, contentment and calm in the coming New Year. As we are all responsible for our own happiness, I believe you have the strength and resolve to provide all this for yourself and your family.

Bless you Irish, and have a Wonderful New Year.

Becca