After this conversation, as per his usual pattern, he became affectionate and kind with his words, complimenting me on this and that. Guess this is his way of saying sorry.
Kind of like a drunk does after a big bender?
I know you were hurt and outraged. Some of what he did could be put down to being a man who has no imagination....no forethought, and most of all, no consideration!
But here is where you, Barb, can have power over these times. I know, b/c I picked up on your spiritual belief in your post. You know where you get your strength, right? That strength is superior to human strength. You can do all things through Christ which strengthens you! (Little secret here....I'm just like you.. ; So hard to keep my mouth shut! )
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I have tried setting a boundary with him on this, but he has chosen not to respect it. And as usual, they ended horribly. I have come to the conclusion that I just can't DB with him in the house. It is too difficult for me, given the circumstances.
When a S is having an A, there isno respect. If you set boundaries and he doesn't "respect" them, it's b/c he has no consequences by breaking them. KWIM? Christians are forgiven for their sins, but they still have to suffer consequences for bad decisions. So, if that is good enough for God, I bet that's a guideline for us, too.
When I say consequences, I don't mean to use the threat of divorce in everything. He wouldn't believe you, anyway. But, when he phones the OW in the house with you...what could be a consequence for that? It has to be something uncomfortable b/c some type of "loss" or a lot of uncomfortable stuff is all the wayward spouse will sit up and notice.
For an example, if he's with OW instead of being home for dinner....you cook just enough for you and the kids. When he finally comes home....he will have to fix his own meal. You don't have to act mean or question where he's been. You just tell him that since you never know how many to cook for you've decided to cook for who is home at supper time. If he comes back with some remark that you should know he would eventually come home, you just smile and say, "Really". You don't say anything else, and you leave the room b/c you always have something going on somewhere in the house. If he follows you.....you keep the PMS and you don't let down. Let him spit and sputter....so what?
Maybe you will be able to do the LRT after he moves out, but I wished you could apply it now. Hopefully, he'll come back from his trip with a changed heart, but you need to prepare for the worst.
We'll be here.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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