Thank you all for stopping in with your encouragement! Some days things are becoming so normal, some days I still fret about stuff. One night H is bringing pizza home for supper, the next night he is out late and won't respond to a txt. I don't feel in my gut there is anything going on, but I know he still 'protects' me from what he doesn't want me to know.
But overall, we are moving forward, together.
I copied this from a friends FB page - Hope lives in your heart right next to the hurt. The only question is: which will you let flourish? The choice IS yours. If you have faith that God does work all things together for His ultimate good, then no amount of hurt can overshadow the hope we have through Him.” I hope you have a spectacular day today my friends! – Elmer Laydon
It seems to have been a lot of my life these past years, I didn't know someone else already said it!
I wish you all good bright smiles in your future, keep your eyes on the horizon.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
WCS, What your h is doing is normal for someone who still attempting to feel comfortable in their own skin. They will test you to see if you will say something or react to what they are doing. The best thing you can do is sit quietly and allow him to complete his growth.
May the new year provide you with much happiness and peace.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H feels distant, my guess is the financial fiasco he can't get ahead of and being a proud stubborn man that needs help isn't easy for him. It's not my job to 'rush in to save the day', I have to remember that while he was out splurging and planning his escape to fantasy land I was working on how to save my place and what I love. So if H is part of what I love, I can't understand how to balance baling him out without sacrificing myself. It doesn't feel right to 'fix it' while he still has not or cannot make a full reconnection with me.
Final national points are tallied for the shows I attended, I finished reserve champ in 3 events, Top 5 in two more, and 3rd in the nation for Overall. I know that's good and I am very proud of my mare, but I can't help still feeling defeated. If I had just done this or that or one more show or another event or...... Now it's just what H calls it, 2nd place loser. Guess I should put a R or L in front of WCW. Reserve World Champion Wife or Loser World Champion Wife.
I just need to shake this drag-me-down cold and get some solar energy and readjust my attitude. phooeeyy.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Have you ever achieved this level or higher with a horse before?
If you have, what were your circumstances at the time? Were you married? Was your H mired in MLC?
Look what you've been able to accomplish and all with dealing with a H in the last stages of a MLC, and trying to piece on top of that. I know what it takes to get to that level with a horse that you're talking about. You are amazing!
Don't think there aren't some that are shaking in their saddles because you'll be back next year.
Congrats on what you've been able to accomplish on all levels!!!
Sorry things are a bit off but I truly feel that this is going to be a very different year! Bless you, you have done some incredible things while enduring difficulties in your personal life! heck, even if nothing major had been shaken you up, you did an awesome job.
I am so proud of you. Give yourself a break and a hug.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks seeking, this is the first time I've been the one on the horse competing at this level, previously I have been the pit crew - for H. I was there every stride of the way for him and our stud horse when they went to World Champ. I'm honestly more comfortable being behind the scenes rather than in the arena, it would be nice having H supporting me ringside.
Lorie, thank you. I think you're right that H needs to keep digging out with his own shovel. He made the mess. Problem is I am caught in the effects.
kat, as always, thank you.
Today H was helping me with some techy challenges I was having, somehow that turned into updating the contact list on my phone, which if you've followed along all these years you know that my phone has H's contacts list on it when he gave me one of his old phones to take over. So, H deleted all the contact info for ow. I asked why. He thought he was just deleting duplicates. I asked him to put it back in, and he did.
I told him that I didn't plan to use it. But I asked if he was in an emergency again and we were waiting for him to be loaded in the ambulance if he would take off the oxygen mask and ask me to call ow first again like the last time. H said "probably not".
Ok, so I know that doesn't sound like much, but in my reality with H that is the biggest admission he has made, and I believe it is over. Except of course what is still business. Why do I allow that? Because there is no way to enforce an ultimatum if I say he cannot.
My sister celebrated their 40th anniversary. When they kissed BIL told her "40 down and 40 to go". Isn't that SWEET??
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I missed the big speech on tv last night, but H broke down crying when I got home and he told me about it. He said he didn't understand why he was so emotional. I just offered a kleenex and let him keep talking.
Embrace and Enjoy! TTFN
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
