A - yes, it is all very similar, sadly. I didn't thank my H for letting the kids stay with me last weekend. I'm sure he knew how disapointed they would be if they weren't there, and I know it wasn't a gesture to help me out - but for the kids, but I was thankful to have them. But, it doesn't matter, he missed out on family time, and no matter where his head is I can't let myself believe that doesn't affect him in some way. Some behavior afterwards makes me think he let them stay out of guilt, and that guilt stirred up his anger again.
At one point my H wrote that because of WHO he is, since he had an A, he could never come back - that and the fact that I "snooped" and learned the details on my own. I often think about that - about how the person I've always believed him to be would be someone to own up to his mistakes and make amends. I always thought him to be the person to do whatever it would take to make things work - especially for his family. Now, the part about resenting me for my "investigations," is still a little hard to take, because I shouldn't have had anything to "investigate." I know that was all guilt talking, but it is still hard to believe that THIS is who he is........
It still hurts that we are no longer a family of 5. I am moving towards acceptance, but it still doesn't feel "right" to me.
"Do not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness." - James Thurber
