Am I piecing? Just can't tell 2...

[Sad_but_happy]

Hi pickle,
She never said it and yes it's mind reading, but come on... I know she would... I know most WAS that "fall out of love with the LBS" and are in a fog with the OP! She told me she kissed him... And when snooping I found some emails and letters that stated some intimate things. No sex, but physical things she admired about him (nothing below the belt)...

Knowing these things doesn't help my sitch and only makes me feel awful.

I can picture W being sooo happy when she was able to see OM and I'm sure she was. I'm sure she gave him a big hug and kiss every time she arrived and every time she left. She was able to get away from "real life" and live in a fantasy! I want that too.

Sorry but even writing this makes me angry.

I know I can forgive if I feel a committment from W. And yes, I need to feel it physically. It's my LL. Anything else is second best. W knows my LL and if she can't meet my LL then I feel she doesn't love me. And maybe right now she doesn't. And how long can I really keep this up? It's crap that I have to wait for her to love me again before I get my needs met. With no guarantees she ever will love me again. And am I just wasting time? Maybe another woman will love me better.

I'm not as patient or strong as many on this board. I know I have it better then most with my W staying and committing and giving my SOME affection but for me it's not enough. Fighting the rejection and loneliness is not easy no matter how much 180 and GAL I do...