Old thread seems to be locked. Well either way heres an update, i have back slid bad and now im right back at aquare one. I ended up bothering her about our relationship last night and she became entirely annoyed by me. It seems now like whatever progress i made is gone and whatever nice things she said are once again void. My problem is i dont seem to have my feelings under control, and its frustrating. By the way sandi, no progress with the smoking.
Don't know your full situation but the best you can do is pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and move forward. We all back slide but what is important is what you do with the information you now have.
What will stop you from back sliding again? Don't beat yourself up about it, but make sure you learn something from it.
M 33 | W 34 | Kids: S4, S3 M: 5/28/05 Bomb: 8/22/09 EA: 8/1/09 | PA 12/26/09 W L: 10/21/09 M L: 11/16/09 | 12/09 to file SA W & Boys Move Out: 3/14/10
I think i just need to ultimately get a grip on my feelings. Whenever im around her I fall apart, then i start bugging her desperately trying to get some understanding from her. I need to do better but its hard, i feel that if i begin to let go of her i really will lose her forever and then i freak out and annoy her.
I have been there but the best thing I did was to detach. I can't control my W or her feelings. You have to understand that from her perspective your actions are very unattractive when you bug her or try to get understanding.
Women like men who are confident and I know how hard it is to feel that way sometimes which is why it is important for you to do things for you. Sometimes it is really hard but try to be the bigger person through all of this.
You can't control your W or her feelings, but you can control you. What are you doing to improve yourself?
M 33 | W 34 | Kids: S4, S3 M: 5/28/05 Bomb: 8/22/09 EA: 8/1/09 | PA 12/26/09 W L: 10/21/09 M L: 11/16/09 | 12/09 to file SA W & Boys Move Out: 3/14/10
I think i just need to ultimately get a grip on my feelings. Whenever im around her I fall apart, then i start bugging her desperately trying to get some understanding from her. I need to do better but its hard, i feel that if i begin to let go of her i really will lose her forever and then i freak out and annoy her.
Hang in there nas, it takes time.
Took me about a month get a grip on myself and even half way function with life, work and kids.
Don't get me wrong; I'm still on the rollercoaster. I have times of sadness, anger, happy; sometimes I love her, sometimes I hate her; can't stand her presence, then long to be with her - round and round it goes.
Work on yourself, do what you enjoy, even if it's just reading or watching a favorite show; vent to a close confidant or on this forum.
IT WILL GET BETTER.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
I know, its just mind boggling how quick things can turn around. Tuesday she tells me that it sounds crazy but she wanted to be here with me 2 but didnt want to deal with my crap, then yesterday after me bugging her she wants nothing to do with me in her life. its killing me.
It seems like im back to square one, i dont even know if i can do this anymore. Ilove this woman, but she wants nothing more to do with me. Should i just throw in the towell?
It seems like im back to square one, i dont even know if i can do this anymore. Ilove this woman, but she wants nothing more to do with me. Should i just throw in the towell?
Most important, what do you want to do? What is it YOU want? How much of your time and energy is worth investing in this?
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
I want my wife and kids back, there is no question about that. I just feel so hopeless like im fighting a losing battle, but i would devote any amount of time and energy to get them back it just seems like no matter what i do or say it wont happen . . . yeah like i said it seems hopeless.
Hi NAS. I am not sure of your entire story, but please listen to your fellow DBer's. You have to step back from your wife... yes, you must. This is not for her sake, but YOURS. SHe cannot make you happy, you cannot make her happy, nor should you expect it. I think that is where we all go wrong. I know it did for me. You are hurting and seeing the bleakness, because you may be bringing it on yourself through what you term as "annoying" behavior.
I was a complete mess when my H left over year ago. I begged, I cried, I pleaded, I spoke out in anger....But this got ME nowhere. I was out of control - seeing a side of me that I had never faced. Scared of being alone and without that man that I loved. I went dark and detached. It was the BEST medicine for me. I took care of me, did special things for myself. It was only when I was prepared for the eventually reality of a D, that my H came to me and asked if was too late for us.
Nas please listen, YOU MUST take of YOU FIRST. You are hurting. You must begin to heal from all of this before there is even a slight microscope of a chance. DR says to take a step back and begin to look at yourself. And NAS, anything is possible....not guaranteed, but possible.
You can do this my friend. What things to you like to go? Is there something you have wanted to do that you have done/tried before?
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
