I have followed this board for a while but never posted. Have been GAL'ing for a while but here's a little background. I peg start of MLC June 2009. For me that was first time we shared a kiss and I knew something was off. Got the bomb March 2010(I dont feel the same about you anymore. We have lived together since with me giving her space and me GAL'ing. She informed me last night she is moving out.(She has threatend this before but never did). I think she is doing it this time. She uses that nothing has changed for her. If there is another person involed it is a GF where she gets her emotional gratification. Whats wierd the GF is kind of needy and my wife always is the control type so it would fit her personality. My question is when you think the OP is the same sex and it is a girl(best friend) thing going on is there anything else to do but let her go and let it run its course.
What are the interactions like between you and her now? Rather than focusing on whether or not she's having a MLC right now, let us know some more about your relationship, what it is like, what it was like when it was good. Also, if she has complaints, what are those?
This is a good place to brainstorm solutions, Spirit. How are you doing personally with this situation?
sg
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
She wants her freedom, independence. felt she was responsible for our social calendar. She is correct on the social calendar. I am a very contented individaul and she like to control things. I would describe our M as above average. laughed together, played tennis, went to pool together. We were a very touchy couple and very in tune physically as well. She did turn somewhat more vain and seemed to have a bit of trouble with aging over the last year or so.
did miss the signs of her becoming dissatisfied but she never came out and said we got issues. I have over the last 9 months GAL and have not pressured her or had a lot of relationship talks.
_________________________ Me-45 W -44 S-19, s-16, D-12 T-28 yrs M-21
Also, I am in pretty decent shape having experienced a 2 1/2 MLC myself. CAme out of it in this more peaceful place which bothers my wife. She doesn't understand how someone could be so calm about things. My MLC was over at 42 1/2. So I was out of it about a year when hers started.
I feel I have to let her go not knowing if she will return or not. I am really close with her family and SIL's(2). So I can always find things to do, but it is a fake it til you make it mentality.
Sorry sgctxok, our interactions right now are about the kids. I am trying to work on the finances on my end to try and keep the house. The older 2 don't care for there mom and what she done and how she has behaved over the past 9 months. She goes out with her GF's now. Again says she just wants to be free. Feels responsible for me. I ask her how? but never get a straight answer.
WE have always been a close couple from my perspective. Very bonded emotionally and physically. Obviously when you have children and jobs you don't always connect but overall we did. We did many things together, went to pool together as family, roughhoused, played tennis, cards etc.
The first thing i noticed looking back but didn't dwell on it was a kiss. There was no feeling in it inJune of 2009. I shook it off and didn't pick up any more vibes but that was me probably missing them until bomb in March 2010.
Sandi, Some of my post from yesterday didn't show up but here are here feelings as it stands now:
doesn't want to be responsible for me.(says thats how she feels) wants freedom, independence(shes she never had it) we have grown apart married to young
I have listened to her issues. I see no way other than letting her go find what she needs to. This is not easy for me because I don't want this, but you can't wave a magic wand and they feel what you want them to feel.
Just some more background so you can maybe give me some help.
I truly love my wife. She has been in IC for 5-6 months. I haven't seen much improvement and she says therapist wants to take her deeper but that is not her and seems to fight it.
I remain fairly calm in this process due to a 2 1/2 yr MLC myself. Lasted from 40 til 40 1/2 and was an extremely depressing but rewarding time for me. I have great empathy for my wife because I know the feeling of being an Alien.
She does know I do not want this but I don't dwell on that. I try to listen and validate. She is adament about moving on. When we do have discussions whcih there havent been to many in the last 6 months because I have basically gone dim to keep out of her way. The kids know too because she snaps at them and they don't really care for her.
