Trying to move forward....

[kissak]

Eric, Im not so sure I feel angry at myself...then again, maybe I am a little bit angry for ever believing him and letting him do this to me. Maybe that's it, but its not something that stays in my mind.

I have kept in mind lately what you have said about using the anger to shield my heart. It does work somewhat.

I dont like being lovey dovey with him, but I need to figure out why I feel bad if he asks for a hug and I dont give him one.

His response of "OK" when I told him I knew he was messing around with the OW, well that just affirmed to me that it was true, he was a liar and wasnt ever in this marriage.

I am trying to keep my expectations low. I know I will never get an honest answer out of him. BUt I think that I just wanted him to know that I "knew". Whether he decides to tell me the truth or not, he knows what the truth is.

I am glad I got some anger out at him....but honestly it probably made him feel just as good. I think he wants me to be mad at him for what I did. Just so he could feel better....does that make sense to yall like it does me?

But you are right, what comes around goes around. And LORIE, like you said, I just hope it doesnt take 20 years....It took 18 years for me to see the truth...I often wonder if she will be just as blind....who cares though right....once a cheater always a cheater. Its a habit for them. They will continue to do it because they see nothing wrong with it!! They find ways to justify it!!! I honestly think my H would have sex with me now and in his mind he would justify it to the OW as "well, we are still married".

And your right Eric, maybe I dont want him to be happy because Im not happy right now. I mean, Im happy, just not with my situation.

Now, tell me how to handle this. He will text me, and say smile, its beautiful or smile beautiful. Crap like that. Im not one for being rude, and I know he just really wants me to be happy for whatever sick reasons he has, but I dont know how to reply to these texts. All I have done is say thank you....should I ignore, which will lead to him calling me or just ask him to save his compliments for his gf????