What I KNOW after being HERE for 3 years.......

[Augtan]

Just found this thread...glad I did, our time frames are the same and I feel and could have written everything you listed in the first post on this thread myself!! Wow!!

I have the hardest time with the fact that my kids had a great dad and now don't really have one at all, that I had a great husband and he is gone, the memories, the feeling of failure no matter that I seem to be trying to do everything right raising my kids alone (I know your not, but just that whole from 5 to 4 family thing, I totally get!!) and the fact that he tells me that I am the one with the revisionist thing with our marriage, not him. He says that I have chosen to remember only the good stuff and he "lives in reality of what really went on"...NOT!! But, I am done trying to convince him.

I agree with the fact that how long it takes you to get over all this directly goes with how much your self-worth, self-esteem and self-image was wrapped up in the marriage...I was with XH since I was 18 years old, all I ever wanted was to be married, have kids, stay home and take care of them, and live happily-ever after...my parents did it and still do it, I thought that was how it would go. So, now I am lost and have been for 3 years, but slowly moving forward at the same time. Sounds like you are doing the same, the more you self-talk the better it seems to get. I tell myself everyday that I can't control my XH and he is the one missing out on what is FAMILY!! He has none and he is an extremely messed up person.

Go to the party and have fun, once you get there you will feel like being there, I have to do that all the time. My oldest D just turned 18 yesterday and she is very messed up by what has happened and it is sooo unfair to her and my other two kids, but we have to keep plugging along and "fake it til we make it"!! I know in my heart and soul it will get better and it does each day!! Hang in there!!

A