last night i discused with H that as he has to work so erly in the morning on new years day that it might be best for him to stop at the farmhouse where other collleagues live, i asked him who was living there no as they change often but i did ask him to be honest about who lives there, my H was upset that i asked him to be honest about who is living there he said that he has no reason to lie his married now newly and his colleagues know he is married and why cant i trust my H. i said to him i just want to know what females would be there if any, he then told me who was living there but told me he felt upset, to be honest i wish i hadnt gone there, in my head i coild see the flashng lights but i just cant help myself, i know i'm not in a good place at the moment and so am all over the place but again i now realise this is the negaties he sees in me hence the earlier EA & PA
i have recently been doing some 180's and he has really noticed the difference but i still let this negative me back out and to be honest i dont like who i have become and i want to change me i need to change me
