havent posted in a while, havent been feeling myself i have found my mood dropping spiralling, i feel guilty for being even remotely happy??? H seems to be trying but the way i feel right now i know i'm dragging him down, he and D have been ill but all i felt was resentment towards him for having to look after him when i have such mixed feelings for him
I am trying to figure out what to do at times i feel like i am a soon to be WAS i'm hoping to have closure soon, i still try to GAL and PMA but lately i cant sleep with having so much on my mind, so much things i'm trying to sort out in my life, but in trying to be positive i cant wait for the 31st so that i can put this year behind me :0)why do i never learn over and over again i do the same things even when i know not too old habits die hard but i am determined for them to die!!!
i've also realised that i have no true memory of being a happy person in a happy place, my earliest memory is being 5 yrs old, so i know its time for a change i havent felt true happiness in so so sooo many years that i think i now dont really know hw to be happy anymore and just look for misery, gd bless my H he has been on my rollercoaster such a long time but i now think it is time we BOTH got off, i wont to feel happy and secure with myself for once in my adult life :0)
