Just returned from TT..........and drinks smile .......with XH, so it's time to debrief.....Sorry this is so long. This is journaling so that I can look back in the future......

but first I would like to say to Missher, I'm sorry that STBXW is behaving so irrationally and seems to be oblivious to the impact of her actions on your children. You have been a very stabilizing influence on their lives. They are very fortunate that you have been there for them.

........now, the TT update:

XH arrived 20 minutes late (he had texted me that he would be late). He did not seem like his "old self", the XH I have been seeing of late. He seemed preoccupied and kind of down. I tried to gently flirt and laugh and be funny, but XH wasn't very responsive. We ended up talking while we were playing TT.

I asked XH if it would be OK if I e-mailed his Florida BMF (Florida BMF, BMF, and XH go back 30 years) to tell him I am sorry to hear he is on dialysis and awaiting a kidney. XH thought for a moment and said "Sure. I'll send you his email address."

Then XH told me about his Christmas Eve. It sounded REALLY awful!!!!!!!!! Normally, XH and I went to BMF's XW's house to celebrate Christmas Eve with BMF, his XW, and their 3 sons. Not this year.........BMF is warring with his XW (remember that BMF wouldn't talk to XH for 3.5 months this summer after XH told BMF he was acting like a child because BMF was jealous of XH's friendship with BMF's XW ---- Phew!!!!!!!). BMF refused to go to his XW's house and decided he was going to host a Christmas Eve dinner at his townhouse for XH and his children. After dinner, XH and BMF's children would go to XW's house, but BMF would not go with them. BMF is very messy, so to support his best friend (BMF), XH went to BMF's house the day before the party and spent 6 hours helping to clean his place.......Here's the money shot........XH said to me "BMF is a hoarder, like my mother." (Duh!!!!!! You JUST figured this out????? Do you think that a little transference has been going on here for about 30 years?????????? ---- sorry, had to get that out.) We talked a little bit about this and then I said to XH (OK Missher, warm up your 2 x 4.........I couldn't help myself) "You are so good to BMF. I have wondered in the past what has BMF ever really done for you other than loan you his truck from time to time? Has he really returned your generosity?" Without missing a beat XH said "I was thinking that same thing last summer"............so it appears that XH's friendship with BMF is a bit rocky again. I have always felt that as long as BMF is XH's primary source of intimacy that XH will not be motivated to really examine himself and will not be capable of having a healthy, intimate R with any woman...so this development is very interesting indeed!!!!!!!!!! ............The whole evening turned out to be a total disaster, basically because of BMF's childishness. XH had a crummy Christmas Eve and is once again caught in between two close friends: BMF and BMF's XW.

As we were walking out to our cars, XH turned to me and asked if I would like to go out for drinks with him. (I never saw THAT coming. smile ) I said "Sure".......On the drive over to the restaurant I kept thinking about various reasons he might have asked me........I thought maybe he was going to tell me he couldn't see me anymore, he was uncomfortable with me kissing him and wanted no physical contact, he had found my DB blogs.....but as it turned out, he just wanted to talk to a friendly person.

It was hard finding a parking spot and XH passed up a prime spot and motioned for me to park there. Then when we entered the restaurant XH held the door open for me. After we got to our table, I tried to mirror XH's mannerisms (a flirting technique) and was super friendly with our waiter (nice looking man --- he reciprocated).

XH asked me about the health of my 100 year old patio tree. Told him I was trying to figure out what to do about it. XH offered to phone his insurance agent (good friend) and ask the name of an honest arborist. Then he phoned the agent and said "I'm here with GAG and we have a question.........blah, blah, blah".....So interesting! XH is letting me reconnect with some of his friends.....Then I asked him about the ice dams on his roof and his leaking ceilings in 3 rooms. He seemed pretty stressed about that....had spent a couple days chopping thick ice out of his eaves with an axe. He can't claim it on his homeowner's insurance until the end of winter because if he has a reoccurence, it won't be covered. ......Then he told me that last week, when he dropped off the gifts from his sister at my house, he had shoveled my back walk. (I hadn't noticed because I wasn't home and my snow removal service had come right after he was there.) I thanked him for shoveling.

We were at the restaurant for an hour or so. When we walked out to our cars, we chatted for a couple minutes. XH said he would e-mail my sister to wish her happy birthday on January 1st (it's been awhile since he's contacted her ---- not since he told me he was dating GF#2). I leaned in to kiss XH on the cheek and whispered in his ear "Happy New Year. It's going to be a great year!". We hugged lightly (XH looked depressed), we got in our cars, and drove away.

.....so I am off work for 4 days (YIPPEE!!!!!!!!), have some pampering planned, and will follow up with a thank you to XH tomorrow for tonight's drinks and follow up with him about a few other things we discussed.

To summarize:
I think the main reasons XH was down were: (1) his leaky roof needing repairs and (2) the conflict between his BMF and BMF's XW (XH is stuck in the middle and their conflict forces XH to see how immature and jealous BMF has been).

XH has done a number of thoughtful things for me over the past week (shoveled my sidewalk, asked about my tree and asked his friend for the name of an expert I can call, invited me for drinks, found me a nice parking spot, opened the door at the restaurant, and paid for drinks). This is a BIG change for him since the bomb. XH's LLs are AOS and QT, so this is seeming to indicate that he has some kind of feelings for me I think.........Also, it seems that we are both reconnecting a bit with each others' social networks.

I have gotten the sense that GF#2 is either out of the picture or that things are not well with her.........just a gut sense that I have.

........kinda wondering if I should ask XH to a movie. He seemed pretty depressed and that's what I would do for a friend who is down.

GAG