WOW! Lets see if I can answer all of this. I'll try to do it in a logical order best as I can.
I'm not really sure where it fell apart. We had a rough patch about 6 or 7 years ago, but got through it and seemed better than ever. Last few months were a little strained, but a lot of stress at both our jobs right now. I was completely caught flat footed when she said she was "done". Said she had never loved me, hated our house (which we picked out together) and wanted to find true love - someone she could be head over heels with. In the couple of days after she said some really mean things. I think that she has a lot of pent-up anger, and she is lashing out, trying to hurt me.
Now, she has always been a little been of a "dreamer", but she is kinda really out there now. It's like I can see this train wreck coming, but can't get her to get off the train. She acknowledges that "the kids will hate me. You think I don't know that?" It seems like she has changed into another person that I hardly recognize.
So anyway, she tells me she's done and getting out in late Oct. To this day she sleeps in the same bed as I - even sliding over to my side to fall asleep every night. We have fallen asleep the same way for years - her beside me and my arm wrapped around her. This is about the only contact we have. Nothing through the day. No hugs, no kissing, nothing. If one of us leaves, she will say have a good day. We have only been intimate once since she told me she wanted a D. And she cried afterwards because she felt dirty and that she cheated. On who I asked. She said on myself.
She worked really hard on the house for this Christmas. Like she wanted it to be perfect. We have my whole family over. Everything had to be just so. I didn't understand it. She is working on a house she hates, and she is planning on leaving? By the way, I want the house and am not planning on moving out. However, when I asked her what she was going to do she said she had six months to figure it out.
Sgctxok - she hasn't really said. Our kids were always our number one priority. Remember she was 18 when we got married and had our first. The youngest is now 21. He lives at home while going to college. The older two are out of the house. I think she is having a grass is greener type moment, but not sure. We still have pretty good days - they seem just like our regular days. She laughs, jokes, we do things around the house together. Baffles me. And her new hobby has led her to a new group of friends. Don't know if they truly have her best interests at heart.
Denver - you sound a lot like me. I could have written that post myself. Problem is, I am torn between saving my marriage and family (that's what is most important to me), and being angry and wanting to punish her for such foolish behavior. Not to mention, do I want a woman that would act that way? I deserve a woman that is committed to me, as well. I think you are right, she is in an EA. My question here on this forum though, is what do I do about it? Your legal advice is welcome and I will follow it if/when time comes. Thank you.
MrBond - She still hasn't complained about what is wrong with our M. Just says that she loves me, but isn't in love with me. I think that she has some personal issues along with some low self esteem and isn't very happy on the inside right now. I think she is taking what she thinks is the easiest surest way out. I'm sure she thinks everything will be just fine if she gets out on her own. But like I said, family has always been number one to her and I. Now it seems to be all about her. She has become very selfish, to the point where she will even admit it and is not the least bit apologetic. She has also got to where she will do the opposite of whatever it is that I say. For example, last summer she decided she wanted to trade in her suv on a car. We live in MI. We haven't had a car in over 14 years. We live in the country. I told her she needed four wheel drive (she hates driving in the snow). She insisted on a car and bought one. One week after the first snow she says I don't know what I was thinking - I need 4 wheel drive. If I point to a parking spot on the right, she will park in one on the left. Etc, etc. She will fight me on almost anything, yet she is constantly asking me what I think she should do - even for very simple everyday items. She won't listen to me about anything.
Also, all the kids were home for the holidays (they are gone back home now). She didn't mention our situation to them at all. I know she won't - she will wait and let me try to explain it to them when she isn't around. She doesn't like her kids to be mad at her.
Ok, I guess what I think I need right now are answers to the following:
Do I let on that I know about the OM? I mean things really seem to be picking up steam for them. The calls are getting more and more frequent. Pisses me off that I pay for her cell phone (family package) and she is talking to him on it, and about things that she should probably be talking to me about.
Do I tell the kids that their mother wants a D? Now? Wait till I am served (probably next week, according to her). When?
Do I tell the kids about the OM? I want them to get through this as good as possible. But I also want them to know that it's not me initiating this - but her.
Should I move to another bedroom?
Should I start distancing myself? Or keep focusing on being together and trying to do good things together? Right now I am trying to figure out what two people who are close to divorce are gonna do on New Years Eve - not easy!
I literally could go on and on, but I guess thats enough for right now. Once I start typing, things just keep popping up in my head, but not necessarily in any kind of sane order. I'll check back tomorrow and answer any more questions that come up.
Thanks for the warm welcome and the quick replies.
