I don't know what to say here. Honestly, I see a lot people hurting here and I know that they are going through something very rough. Rougher than anything I've been hit with. But sometimes, you can get lucky and through a lot of work you can get to where you want to go.
8 weeks ago, my wife was fed up with my behavior and said she wanted a divorce. I was working my issues at the time but it almost felt like it was too little too late. We started to sleep in separate rooms.
6+ weeks ago, my wife was still thinking divorce as the only way out and moving out until that could be sorted out.
6 weeks ago, I found this site and ordered DB. I was starting some of the DB changes before the book i.e. backing off, not talking R, trying to do my own thing, being pleasant etc.
5 weeks ago, W was still intent on a physical separation. I tried to keep up with DBing, but it wasn't easy and I wasn't always successful.
4 weeks ago, she decided that she wanted to work on the marriage.
1 week ago, she decided that we could sleep in the same bed.
Then tonight. I was putting our son to bed and she tapped me on the knee when she was leaving and said, "Come talk to me when you are done." I had no idea what she wanted.
I put our son to bed and swallowed hard and went into the bedroom. She didn't say anything so I ask "was there something specific you wanted?" She then stunned me for the second time in a week. She said, "I was wondering if you wanted to start ML again." Honestly, I didn't know what to think. Part of me wanted to say no just to put her off and sort through my reaction. So we talked about things. But the other part (that won) agreed to it. So we ML for the first time in like 9 weeks.
She was very affectionate. After ML was done, I was headed downstairs and she said the words I have not heard from her for a couple months. "I really love you." Is said ILY too. I don't know if it was the right decision (It felt right) and I don't know what the Vets would think.
So here I am. I know just because we ML, things aren't suddenly better, and we have a process in front of us. But things look a whole lot brighter.
I don't know why. It doesn't seem fair. People here have been hurting for years and hurting in ways I can't imagine. But then I come on here and in 8 weeks I've made so much progress. I think I was lucky that I found this place when I did. I thank God for that. I thank God my wife was not 100% sold on D. I thank God for my IC.
I wish I had advice or a magic formula. I don't. I don't even know if people want to see this type of story. I worked hard at this and started before the D talk came. I adopted most of the DB principles, but I wasn't always successful with it. I had time and I always, always let my wife lead the R. I trusted what I was doing 100% even though it didn't always feel like it. Somehow that clicked for me.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
