Sweetheart, it's been six years. He still needs time to make a decision? Yes or no. In or out. If he wants this marriage he will do what he needs to do to stay in. Otherwise he is out.
Thing #1 that he needs to do is the no contact letter. Thing #2 is transparency -- you check his phone, his email accounts, etc. Why? Because trust hasn't worked. Trust has to be built all over again one day at a time. And I know you are trying to see a IC. That is good. You both should be talking to someone. And then you need professional help.
Marital counseling can help. I know Retrouvaille does help. I could not have reconciled with my husband without it. And we both learned from it how to stop being so self-centered and start doing things because we really do care about how the other person feels.
Maria has been through something very similar to your situation. I trust her advice in all of this.
