I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[ClingingToHope]

Actually, it was the same woman. Not two separate ones. It also wasn't a bar pickup -- if that matters.

I don't think my regret means I'm not ready to date. I think this isn't one I'd want to see long term. It comes back to the girls. I just wouldn't feel comfortable introducing her to them.

I think about Church 31. I would be comfortable introducing the girls to her. She's still dating someone though.

Yes. I don't want a Stage 5 Clinger. Truthfully, I'd rather not have to worry about it and instead be working on my marriage. That's not my reality.

This little three-week drama has me refocused. Yes. I was seeking validation and I got it ... and it wasn't as important as I'd built it up to be in my head. Now I look around and think I've got a lot of things going for me. I'm not going to be sitting home watching movies the rest of my life.

I remember when I first moved out. The girls asked me if I'd remarry. I told them yes, I liked being married.

Now? I'm not so sure. Things would have to be awfully perfect to make that leap again.

The biggest problem I have right now is finances. I can't afford a relationship until the D is final. The two "dates" with Match 36 cost me money I really didn't have to spend.

Quick update. This was my year to have the girls Christmas morning, but I told STBXW that they could wake up at "the house." It's the only they've ever known and who knows how many more Christmases they'll have there. STBXW has started missing house payments. Once you fall behind, it's very, very hard to catch up.

So the girls woke up there. I went over and watched them open presents. Then they came over and opened mine. I went to work while they went to their grandmother's house. They were dropped off at night and Sunday we went to Wisconsin Dells for a couple of days. Monday night I stopped in a town near Madison to see my cousin. Three other cousins were up and they wanted to talk about what was going on. So I went through everything -- except the three-week Match 36 drama.

Now I am seriously broke. I am going to be laying low January and February. Only health club trips, work on my book projects, free stuff with the girls -- sledding, library, local museums.

I continue to text Match 36. She's out of a job right now and feeling down on herself so I'm being a friend. She wants me to come up but she knows my schedule ... I think the whole thing will peter out soon. It already is.

Next court date is Jan. 11. Another status hearing and nothing new on the divorce front.