So sorry for your pain this day and everyday.....it does get better I promise....you will be ok....may God give you his peace today.....and everyday.HE has given it to me and it is a wonderful feeling...trust in Him.....Irma
Seeking Answers is right, you are grieving not only the man you H use to be, but also of a marriage that use to be. Give yourself time to grieve. Pick yourself up everyday and remind yourself that he is NOT the man you love so much, he is a pitiful shadow of that man.
(((HUGS)))
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
And before anyone thinks I'm being mean or shallow about men's looks, you need to understand that I live in a part of the state that is overrun with dudes missing teeth and that sort of thing.
This ^^^^^ is priceless….ROTFLMAO!
Irish
Quote:
WHY AM I STILL SO SAD????????????? What is WRONG with me?????????? WHEN will I get OVER this?????? I do not want to cry anymore - I don't want to feel this hurt any longer - I don't want to feel humiliated anymore - I want to be OK with everything! Why can't I get there???
First…(((((hugs))))))
Second – “why can’t I get there”….Hmmmm….where is “there”, what is “it”?
Irish you need to define what “there” is first. Once you do…then the hard part comes….patience.
Be patient Irish….”there” will happen when it is suppose to happen. IMO, “there” does not mean no more sadness, it does not mean “no more challenges”. NO IMO, it means acceptance that life is really what YOU make of it!
Have a happy new year Irish!
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Sweetie, listen, there are no timelines for going through this. You get there when you get there.
But, it does help to try and change your mindset. And the only way to do that is to detach some more.Now that is easier said then done, but I know you can do it.
You start by focusing on you. You have to learn to see yourself for who you really are and how others see you. You are a strong, capable, compassionate loyal person.
When you have accepted all the wonderful things about yourself, you will begin to slowly see that what your h has done, and what he has said, really have no bearing on you and who you are.
That stuff is his. Your stuff is yours. Change the things about you that need changing. Learn to love the stuff that doesnt.
And cherish those people and things that bring you joy. Put your marriage and your h safely in a box and put it on a shelf.
And start to think about what makes you happy. YOU, IB. You are more than a wife. You are.
Antonia - are you sure we are not from the same area of the U.S.? My friend Betty says all she's is looking for in a man is one with all his teeth and his truck don't leak oil. Is that asking for so much?
Irish, I was as low as I have ever been just before the light switch clicked and it all became so much easier. Someone on this Board has a quote, I can't think of who at the moment, that says something to the effect that It is when we let go of a problem we gain control over it. That is exactly how I feel.
The way it happened for me may not be the way it happens for you, but IT WILL HAPPEN. For me, it took an event. I was trying to reach H about something at Thanksgiving, and he texted me "I have nothing to say to you." CLICK. My days have been much more carefree since then. It was his choice. No one else to blame, so I changed my phone number and email address. He has nothing to say to me, I'm giving him all the ways to not say it.
Irish, you've been sounding stronger and stronger through this thing. The holidays are tough, to say the least, and a little set back is all this is. Get past it, and the future will be brighter. ((HUGS))
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Wow all - thank you for your words of wisdom. I feel like such a slow learner! I feel like I've lost my grip on things. Need to slow down to take care of the important things! I've GOT TO GET BETTER!!!!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Eric and Punkin, LOL, but yes, it's true. I'm not lying when I say that a decent number of men's profiles on match.com end with "and yes, ladies, I do have all my teeth."
IB when you say "there" do you mean "over him?" I feel the same way; I'm not in the panic anymore of the initial shock and awe, and I'm not really depressed anymore as far as I can tell, so to me, I feel like I should be "over" him and 100% detached and not still thinking about him or rehashing stuff in my head 24-7. I still think I am doing that--thinking about him all the time. Unless I am in the middle of teaching a class or really engaged writing, he is "there" in my head. I can do a hundred things in a day to "distract" myself or be productive or even happy, but he's still "there" like an itch that won't go away. And I'm tired of it too, because I feel so strongly that he's not devoting all that brain power to thinking of me. I imagine that when he is with her, he rarely if at all thinks of me at this point. I mean, we haven't physically seen each other in 2 months, and I still have no desire to see him because I feel like it's going to bring stuff back to the surface.
So if that's what you mean, you're frustrated because you're not at the end of this road, yes, I am too, but there seems to be nothing one can do to rush it. I think we're just going to accept that this is part of who we are until it isn't, and that might be a very long time.
Sometimes I wonder if there will come a point when we're so detached that we actually remind ourselves to think about the marriage we had before it went south....
But you ended your post with "I've got to get better" and I'm thinking, IB, you ARE better. You're "heartsick", but overall, you are better and you are making an inch of progress every day. That wound is healing whether you are aware of it or not.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
- One big glass of STFU - One huge serving of “let go” - Slowly add a decent helping of detachment….mixing it in slowly as to not mess up the receipt - Add a ton of patience - Pour a heapful of hope ( that would be the hope in self brand) - Add 8 hrs of sleep a night - Add 2 hours of working out 2 x’s a week - Add 15 minutes of prayer in the morning - Add 15 minutes of prayer in the evening - Add 1 day of week of doing nothing - Add 1 glass of wine with dinner at least once a week - Add A nice 1 hr drive every other week with the music blasting - Add as needed a weekend trip with kids - Throw in at least 1 flirty type thing every other week - Add 1 day every other week for a pity party - Blend with a 2x4 from friends - Then mix…let sit for a while and add the following ingredients if it does not come out just right - More detachment - A little more letting go (cause usually after the first mix, you’ll realize you need more) - Add some new friends and hobbies - Mix….and sip…if still not done….then - Mix and Shake the following - More detachment - A nice shopping spree - Test and if not satisfied…redo from step 1
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
