Positively moving forward

[awest1217]

Update:

December 23 - up until midnight on my "night off" talking to S on the ipod because he "miss you". Why S? "Because I just love you". Took 2 hours for him to go to sleep and me constantly talking to him and H to get him to go to sleep.

December 24 - a few tears, but went over to my B's and SIL's then to my SIL's mom's house where her mom and 11 year boyfriend got married. So exciting! While at B's S wanted to talk on the ipod so I talk to him and he melts down. H says he said all day how he didn't want to go to the extended family. Then S noticed I was at B's and he was really upset. I once again spent 20 minutes calming S down. He was calm and H took him shopping and bought him three toys to bribe him to go to his aunt's. S and H were about to leave and S melts down again. Instead of just going to aunt's for a bit and seeing how S did once he had a chance, H calls me and says to get him. H was supposed to have S until 10 that night (long day for S, but what H wanted). I told H that S has only spent the night from me once and even then wanted me by 2 pm the next day. This was the longest he had been away from me ever so it was hard on him. I told H that he has to be patient.

I tried as soon as H left to start overnights and H said no. I tried again last spring, and H said no. Now he just has to deal with the fact that S is not comfortable staying over there. We talked and we will start maybe trying once a month and S coming back Saturday early like around 4 pm until he is used to it.

December 25 - All night he kept whining and wouldn't stop unless I cuddled him. I didn't sleep much, but S did as long as I held him close. S called H at night and we also discussed what I said above then. While talking OW's cats (I noticed right away he was at OW's and not at his parent's and that he has been at OW's since September) meowed, and S asked what that was. I said "Daddy's cats". H got deer in the headlights look and said "I am just feeding them". I also let H know that since he is so allergic to cats I am figuring it is the cat hair on H that S is allergic to. S will cuddle with H and get OW's cat's hair on him and that is why he gets sick after being with H. H agreed. Later I text H to say that all I wanted for Christmas was the truth and some honestly.

By the way, H got me two sweaters, and $75 worth of gift cards. I told him I couldn't accept the gift cards and that the sweaters were enough, but he wouldn't take them back.

Also in the conversation H said how he wants more contact with S, and I reminded him that he is the one that isn't doing his part. I told him that S is 3 and I am done trying to force a relationship. I told him that I always had S available and always tried to get him to do stuff with S, but H wouldn't. He said he knew and that he was going to do better. We will see. I think being the holidays and also seeing in black and white on the divorce agreement what we are doing made him upset. Also I believe OW is out of town with her family so H is lonely. I will see if he keeps it up. I am not forcing anything or counting on anything because I don't want to be disappointed for S again. S is content with everything how it is so if H wants to disrupt that and have more, I am ok with it because he is S's dad, but he better not flake again or make OW more important again. I am surprised H didn't go with OW, but maybe S is starting to be a priority...finally.

After Christmas, I have gone downhill sick-wise; cough, stuffy nose and upset stomach. I am a little happy about it because that means I am finally not stressed and my body is getting back to normal. I will have to rebuild my immune system, but I am finally on the up swing. Today I am finally feeling a little better. The worst was Monday and I have been doing a little better everyday.

Tomorrow and Friday H has S so I can have S on Saturday and get him back to normal before school on Monday.

So that is the update, I know a little jumbled, but really not much going on besides H not being able to handle S wanting me. I want to say now you know how I felt everytime you left for the first year, but I didn't. H will realize. I also let H know that it would be good to be honest with S because that is important.

On the D, H did hire a lawyer. I haven't heard anything else. If H only changes what we discussed then I will be ok with it and we will both sign and be done, if he changes more we will see. Two weeks from tomorrow it will all be over....if H doesn't keep dragging it out.