wife preparing to leave me and kids

[blue2010]

They will continue. So, have you placed a date on "when" you will confront, or will you proceed with becoming a better man aNd happier with yourself? It's your decision and I'm just trying to get you to think more than just one way. What can you live with and what can't you live without? This is what every person has to decide for themselves.


[/quote]

Sandi As i have said I am on another forum because it is more active I like the advice here better. below is what I posted this morning in regards to confronting on the email and someone saying I am afraid. I do not want to expose to their families. But My W and OM continue to play this game despite professing it is over. I will gladly take more advice but what I wrote is how I feel.

I had posted another reply last night it failed to make it do I like this no am i afraid of my wife leaving like the way i felt on D Day. NO! Part of my homework which I still walk around pondering is what i want well i want what I cant have the way my life was a year ago before my wife blew a gasket. Things will never be just like that. I know that if i need help I pick up my phone and I can call people. She sadly does not because the people she would have called were my contacts.
So I choose to deal with this next week because that is when it works best for me. I have time to prepare myself. I have the opportunity to offer to her in nice conversation what I would like to see for us.
She has been saying she needed to leave since D day. I first begged her not to go. I have since given her the open door. She has filed the papers but oddly enough has no clue when we will see them. She is a very organized person. She was suppossed to complete a seperation agreement 3 times, in order for our MC to help us work out issues. She does not try to avoid counseling at all. So I was letting her actions lead. No maybe this is not on everyones time frame, but it works for me and will shock her.
I completed a seperation agreement last night DRAFT in the watermark because it is not perfect. I will have the run down of what has transpired since our last MC appointment, it has been weeks. I have let my W lead most times at the MC seeing where she was going to take it I plan to lead the discussion this time, nicely of course.
So yes I remain Afraid for my children and the pain and sadness her finally leaving will create. I fear that she is putting on such a good game face with everyone except me that nobody else can see how emotionally off she is right now. And even an MC or an MD will probably not pickup on it unless she snaps.
I am afraid that if I expose the whole truth to my mother she will have a real cardiac issue, my dad .........may react violently and have a cardiac issue. They both have real health problems. My mom at the discussion of us having marital difficulties had a very negative response emotional and physical. And thats not amature eval I am medically trained, with long term experience.
I am no longer truly afraid of her not recommitting to this M because right now she is not the woman I married and I do not know how I feel about that. I no longer know for sure that I want her here.
So I choose to deal with this situation in less than a week. During a MC appointment. Prepared with papers organized. From which appointment I will leave and bring her sister her one trusted person she confides in the same evidence of the ongoing contact. Her sister who is convinced the contact is over as well.
I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror 20 years from now. If I do not do it this way I will not feel right. They (om and my WW) truly believe we have no clue. Like it is brand new. So I do not see the confronting as a waste of time you are only getting my typed words I cannot fully express the rest of what I see, do, discuss with others etc.

So I am not ignoring anyones advice without it all I would be curled up in a corner. I would not be making my stubborn decision. For ME I need to confront her on this. FOR ME. I just realized that, it's not a waste of time, It is what I need to do, for me to work through this to know that I did everything I felt was right and made my decisions. Even though they were not right on with everyone. This is how I need to do it. I need a third party there, because I know she has been twisting what happens.

She knows the fate of this marriage is in her hands I have made that clear.

Thank you again everyone for your input.

Sandi, I have done the 180's I have backed off i can only GAL so much because I am primary caregiver of the children and I am happy with that. I cannot understand how not confronting her on her continued contact would not allow the affair to grow again. I have been pleasant. Home has always been warm and welcoming the things she chose to develop her EA on she should have been directing at me so I knew we had a problem, she has even said she dealt with it the wrong way. Would it be nice to save this ...yes. But I think my reality is she is more of a WAW. She says she built a wall back in June well that's when the EA took the PA twist. Thats when and only when she began to display signs of distancing. She continues to distance. She is working a solid plan to move out. She only gets defensive when i ask the direct question along the lines of if she actually is done with this R or wants a Divorce. She will avoid answering.
She doesnt see how this is recoverable she won't let anyone show us the way.

So I was going to confront because we cannot see letting the A grow again. It also seems the questioning of honesty is wearing on her.

Sorry so long. Yes my patience is wearing. So is OM W. Ther are no strangers in this scenario unfortunately.