WAW The cold & cruel truth 2

[sgctxok]

I divorced in 1994, I came here in 2001 post divorce, 2 relationships later. I DB'd that guy, got him back but ended it myself. Then I met someone shortly later, and we've been together ever since. But with hiccups, and I DB'd that relationship--we're 9 years strong. We broke up for 4 months once. We will marry, but early on he didn't ever want to actually be married again, and now we have some economic barriers: he was laid off a few years ago, we have like two houses to sell, 6 kids between us, mostly over 18, we need to choose where to live, etc. We'd rather live someplace warmer, but his youngest is special needs. Our situation works real well for us right now, so we're not in any hurry.

So what I know for sure is divorce is incredibly hard. And the things you think you're ending by getting divorced very often carry into the other relationships. It's worth learning to change and learning to really do the real giving that build real love.

Our relationship has been very loving for years now. It doesn't mean neither one of us have faults, but we work through them with love.


This is why I usually post shorter posts. When I talk about myself I ramble.

[Blessed2BeADad]

So been playing along fine, no backslides. Christmas morning she was dressed up and looking good, I pretended not to notice. She was walking around with attitude as she dropped of the kids... I mentioned to her that if she planned to introduce kids to boyfriend, that she used caution. I advised her I have not introduced the children to anyone and did not plan to do that in the near future. She of course said she didnit have a boyfriend... But if she did that was none of my business. Yes... True enough, but I felt it necessary for their sake to put a seed of caution in her brain. She wasn't planning on saying Merry Christmas, so I did first. She didn't even roll down the window as I said it... She dis say U 2 and then drove away. I had the kids for 3 days, on the last day she asked to talk to them, but we were at my friends house at a party.

Today I was happy and nice, said hi. I told her I was taking the kids somewhere and we didn't need to switch the vehicles. I drove off... Just for a cruise... Had some burgers, watched some bow hunters at the lakefront, and later in the evening I took them to see Christmas lights on Candy Cane Lane here. Fun!

Later in the evening she emailed asking if I knew my schedule for the next year... I do not yet until a couple weeks... Told her, I'll get back to you. Her next email pissed me off. She said, "Wanted to ask you something about kids schooling... Was thinking about putting them in *** (her home town) schools, they are really great schools and I'll probably get a house or condo there." OMFG! Ok first of all I'm sure OM lives there, but who cares at this point about that. Second it's an hour away from me, and I have to pickup and RAISE them!!! Also that's her plan at some point to get them established near her and swipe them our from under me I'm sure! What is really irritating I worked to get one kid in school where she currently has her outrageously priced appartment, which is NOT in her hometown, but is only 10/15 minutes away. The most disturbing is it's another of her FLY BY NIGHT IDEAS! like her past quitting jobs, starting jobs, wanted this, didn't want that, wanted to split, didn't, wanted to live where she's at, now doesn't, and there's nothingnin her hometown!!! It's REDICULOUS!!! I simply responded, "No to ***" (hometown)

Fed Up! My sis said, she's just trying to rattle your cage, and I know that... But enough already... Just let me live my life. Sis says she see you moving on and it pisses her off, and the only thing she can think to say is something to piss you off or she's just so heartless!!! I say both!

[ScaredinCanada]

I hear you Blessed. That's the biggest thing I struggle with...not re-acting to what she says.

Especially when she makes a hurtful comment, and then follows it with "I don't mean to hurt you." AHHHHHHH!

Like I said before, my W has not thought through seperation completely (possibly at all) which I guess is a good sign, but I have this sinking feeling that she's waiting until after the holidays to make some sort of "move".

She's told me over and over that she isn't going to take the kids away from me.

She just hurt me bad on Christmas day, saying "I feel bad that your putting everything into the R, but I'm putting in zero." To which she follows with "I don't understand how you expect me to change how I feel". I told her to have an open mind with regards to MC, to which she always replies with her classic line "Just because we goto C don't expect things to workout the way YOU want them too!"

I'm just really hoping we can get into counselling and she can really see that I'm changing for the better.

Just need to stay focused on detaching which is good some days and bad other days. I keep wondering if seperation might actually be the best reality check for her?

Blessed I'm not sure how much me talking helps or hurts, but I just feel so bad for you and your sitch. I want to use you as a example of how I should act, because my sitch could be worse.