Its not so much that he doesn't like the way I decorate so much as the fact that I relegated all the stuff of his I didn't like to the garage. As for friends, we have both been hermits for so long that neither of us has very many friends. None that come to the house.
Okay, thought I'd post about last night. H said I could come over after the kids were in bed (older D is 16 and besides his place and mine share a driveway). Anyway, he emailed early in the day to ask if I was coming over when they go to bed or earlier than that. So I go over when youngest D is ready for bed. I had just gotten 5 Love Languages so I talked to him about that a little and also asked about his day. We watched a movie and he made some drinks (neither of us drink much, I'm talking 2-3 times a year). I had asked him about physical touch while we discussed the book because he had gotten extremely uncomfortable with it by the time he moved out. He said he felt better about it because he didn't feel like it was a demand anymore. Well, lets just say we had a good time. He said I could come over on Saturday. I asked about Friday he said he was going over to watch some movies with some work friends so I think he is testing the waters to see how I'll react. I'm fine with that because I know how controlling I've been for so long. It will be a good way for me to work on patience and a good way for him to feel more comfortable that I've changed how I'll react to him having some time to himself. So that is where things are now. My plans today are to walk the dog, take youngest D roller skating and do some shopping. Sounds good to me!
I backslid a little last night. Tuesday night had gone very well so I thought I would ask my H how he felt. Not the greatest idea. He said he had enjoyed Tuesday as well but still had no idea how he felt about the situation. So I'm going to back off on talks with him until I feel the time is more right. He said he likes how Tuesday went(and so did I) so I'll will just concentrate on spending time together and let worrying about the R sllide for now. He did do the 5 Love Languages survey for me. He is all over the place on that. His first two scores are 8 and the second two are 6. I don't know what that means.
If someone would like to respond to this I'd appreciate it. Anyway, the situation is that my H lives next door. When he moved over a month ago I pretty much cut off contact with him for three weeks. Then on Christmas he spent pretty much the entire day here. I then asked if he would like to start spending time together just to get to know each other again. He said that would be fine in fact I could start coming over occasionally to spend some time at his place after the kids went to bed (my oldest is 16). So first night I didn't know what to expect but is was very nice and we ended up sleeping together. This has now happened twice. During a lot of our marriage I would reject him sexually and the last few months before he left after he told me he wanted a seperation he wasn't interested which he said it was because he felt pressured. He has enjoyed the last two times as have I. I've recently lost 70 pounds and it has seemed to reawakened my sex drive. I'm just wondering is this kind of crazy or should I just go with it?
You are doing a wonderful job and getting some GREAT baby--actually not so baby--steps! You should be proud of yourself.
Backing off on talks is the right thing to do. They probably feel like 'more of the same' in relation to the controlling thing as well. Let HIM lead the way here.
Concentrate on when you do have time together, making it fun, like you did on Tuesday. In other words--just go with it--for many couples this is the glue that cements the relationship.
Congratulations on your weight loss! How did you do it?
Thanks for the response dbmod. I was wondering if I was doing everything wrong. The weight loss was easy once I finally got started. I figured out how much I needed to eat to maintain the weight I started at and then figured out how much I needed to maintain my goal weight and split the difference. Once I was used to that reduced amount I just readjusted the amount as I kept losing. Right now I eat just a little less than I need for maintaining my goal weight which is only 5 pounds away. After I lost the first forty pounds I started going to the gym. I now go 3X a week for an hour 1/2 cardio and 1/2 strength training and I walk my dog for 1/2 hour the other days. I eat regular type stuff just have cut out most of the junk except very occasionally. My motto is nothing tastes as good as being thinner and healthier feels.
