New to this community seeking advice 2

[WCW]

Hi JR09, is there any legal ramifications for your W to move to another state with the boys? Why does she feel so strong to have to run?

The Treasure Valley is such a big area but all so close together, you could move to a close town and still be close or move to the same town and still be far away. Can you deal with her ultimatum if she follows thru with it?

[Denver_2010]

Joel - I am an attorney. I don't do divorce law, but I know enough about it to be able to tell you that you can most likely stop her from moving your children out of state. I also know from experience, that having your children out of state is a terrible thing. My daughter from a relationship not related to my presence on this board, lives in Alabama. I live in Colorado. My D's mom has moved her from Montana to Texas, to Georgia, to Hawaii, and now to Alabama. This has made it extremely difficult for me to be a father for my D. Once she gets them out of state it will be next to impossible for you to get them back in your home state. Getting an attorney will inflame the situation with your wife, but it may be worth it if you want to make sure to be able to stay close to your kids.

Just my 2 cents.

[JR09]

Denver,

Thanks for the advice. My W and I are not legally separated nor divorced, just physically separated. I don't know about a lawyer. My finances are tight and I don't think I can afford legal advice for now. Thanks for the advice though. Sure appreciate it.

Joel

[JR09]

WCW,

To make it short, my W left because I was struggling with PTSD after Iraq.I took care of myself during these 2 and a half years of separation. Got extensive counseling, got on this board. I really took care of myself.

I think my W is still stuck in her anger/bitterness/fear. I don't think she ever sought counseling help when she moved back to her parents. So she is deeply entrenched in her thought thinking that I'm still the same PTSD guy she left over 2 years ago. But I know I'm not.

Joel

[sgctxok]

I'm so sorry Joel.

If there were a miracle that could save this the 11th hour, what would it look like? What would have to happen?


I want to thank you for serving, Joel.

[Denver_2010]

Joel - Just realized that you are located in Colorado. Let me know if you do decide to consult an attorney. I would be happy to get you a referral. Again, I don't do divorce law. Also, keep in mind that many attorneys will do free consultations. You can usually learn a lot from doing a couple of those with different attorneys. Sorry to keep harping on this, that just scares me that your wife is threatening to move your kids out of state.

[MichelleLT]

It may be time to get a free consultation. You may need to get a separation agreement in place which lays out child support, visitation schedules, and requires court approval for either parent to take the children out of state.

You also need to be clear about what you want if she brings it up again. Tell her you want every other weekend and maybe one or two nights during the week. I would think she would be happy to have the help with their homework and such lol. How far away does she want you to stay? Would Boise be far enough? You can always compromise for the short-term, sign a 6 month lease somewhere, and reevaluate in 6 months.

Out of curiosity, what's in SLC that she would go there??? (You don't have to answer this, but in all your vague religious references, you've never mentioned a particular religion. Are you guys Mormon?)

And for your reading pleasure, Michele's New Year's Resolutions for Divorce Busters:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/divo...busters-edition

[d1adsl5a]

--edited by dbmod: insulting, anti-marriage

[Denver_2010]

JR09:

Time to get some backbone. How long has it been 2 years+. Time to forget what she thinks. It is about what you think. You need to be mentally healthy for your sons. You need to get to a decision so that you can get there. That is when the healing begins. Look, I was in the same spot for a year. My W wouldn't file. I did. It was the best thing I ever did. I healed. My sons are healing. I have 50/50 time with them. Joint Parenting. We live a mile apart from each other. I coach football, baseball, basketball. My divorce should be final in January. I met someone via eharmony. Your life will get better, but you have to start the process.

I never knew how bad things were in my marriage. Do you really want to go back to a marriage where things will be that unhappy. You will back on this board in 6 months when the marriage goes sideways again. I was the guy that said no to divorce. Stay together for kids at all costs. You know what, having a happy mother and father is a much better option than a mother and father that are not happy.

I was happily married, so I thought, until she dropped the bomb. Turns out she did me a favor. I look back at the 15 years of marriage and I see how are marriage got to this place. I wanted to try, she didn't. OK, but I was not going to be a doormat for her any longer. I lost respect for myself during the process.

It is time for you pick yourself up, get this done, start living your life again for you and your sons. She is gone, move on...

Don't know if I'd agree to all that. I wouldn't give up on M unless you are ready. I'm just saying that you need to protect yourself.

[JR09]

Michelle,

We are Mormons... You are right.

Joel