Wow, our situations are similar, and I understand all about developing expectations, and staying emeshed with them. He is always going beyond his responsibilites to me i.e, taking my car to be fixed, buying groceries ec t.ect., and giving me more money than the divorce awarded me. He will call me and tell me to be careful when the roads are bad, he will call me 'honey' on occasion. Because he is at my house often when I am working inorder for our son to be home ( I don't work but twice a week, but they are long hours), he also does my laundry, takes care of my dog. But, he never talks about coming home.
I am sure he is trying to relieve his guilt, and at the same time keep that tiny carrot dangling in the event that his "soulmate" doesn't show up. It has worked. I am still here, still hoping for my family to be put back together. My heart breaks for my son, for the pain he has endured, and for the years he has had half a mother due to my pain.
I am so thankful enough time has passed that I can enjoy life again, and be present for my child. Lately, not only am I enjoying life, but I am having less emotions, and feelings regarding my ex. And although that is a good thing, it is concerning also, in that I am afraid if I stop having feelings, then it is really over. Nevertheless, I have been close to telling him, like you did your ex, that I want him either to come home or stay away, but just haven't done it yet.
Thank you for sharing so much about your situation, it has helped me so much.
