New guy here, just found this site. I've been searching and reading. I'm sure there must be a similar situation on here, but haven't come across it just yet. There is so much to tell, but I'll try to keep it brief while hitting the main points.
Have been married almost 27 yrs. I was 20, she 18. Three kids 26, 23, and 21. My family is my world. She is "it" for me. I love her dearly and she still makes my head spin. About 2 months ago the W told me she was "done". Loved me, but never was "in love" with me. Been faking it all this time. Told me she had learned to be a good actor. I was floored. Said there is nobody else - just wants to be able to love somebody else, the way I love her. Also said the kids are grown, and will "get over it".
She recently began a new hobby (with my full support) and now I am finding out all kinds of things that she has been doing. Basically acting like a single woman in her 20's. She also has a "friend". A male friend. She doesn't know that I know. Phone records show that they text constantly, although I don't know the content. And it's rare that they go more than 2 or 3 days without talking in an actual phone call. Lately, it's really been picking up. Couple of calls a day. Even while she is working. Again, she doesn't know that I know. And if I ask - she swears that there is no one else and that she isn't doing anything she isn't supposed to be.
Also, told me 2 days before Christmas that I would be getting served right after the holidays. Seems one of her new "friends" in her new hobby is a divorce lawyer. She is handling it all for free - at least to her. Told the W that she would take all her fees out of me.
So, I go and see a lawyer who told me pretty much that I would be paying about half, or a little more, of my take home pay to the W in alimony. And my 401, and my pension. Plus health benefits. AND, because of the length of time we had been married she could be entitled to lifetime support. Actually apologized to me and said "nice guys really do finish last". This will bury me. There is no way that I can make it on what I will have left.
So, number one - I don't want to be divorced. I love my wife and I love my family. Number two - I don't want to be divorced and POOR. I will have to work tons of overtime just to make my alimony payments and even then won't have enough left for me. I will lose my house for sure. Three - I'm not sure I want her back with what's been going on. I thought I knew her inside and out, but she is like a different person these last 2 months. I don't know if she has had a physical affair yet, but I feel she has made an emotional commitment to the OM. So much so that she appears to be trying to protect their relationship at the expense of ours. Number four - our kids don't know yet. She will not tell them. She will wait until they find out on their own, or let me tell them. She wants to be their "friend", and doesn't want them to be mad at her. So, I will end up being the one that gives them the bad news. Not exactly sure when to tell them. Now? After the papers have been served? And what about this OM? Should they know that there is one? Should they find out from me, or her?
I am still searching and reading the archives, but my biggest problem is that I just don't know what to do next. I am going to get the Divorce Remedy book and try to see if I can save my marriage and my family. And I ordered a divorce strategy for men book, just in case I can't. Just am feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment, and trying to figure out my next move. Thanks for letting me ramble.
