@Roy, you putting your kids first is so important. Our children didnt ask for this. They have lost their feeling of security and the "happily ever after" that they thought existed.
My wife's significant other has worked hard to "replace" me and my children know that I will never leave them while their mom has shown that she will put herself first many times over them. Dont get me wrong, my wife has been an awesome mom and still loves our children very much but she has this mistaken opinion that our children are old enough to handle these things. The sad thing is that there are so many signs of how injured our children are.
Try not to get angry with your wife for the insensitive things she is doing. We have to show unconditional love to our spouses but at the same time try to do as much damage control for our childrens' sake.
Hang in there.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God