....It seems like I've forced myself to go along and try to accommodate him for so long that it is not surprising I feel resentment towards him and my own feelings are dead.
....I realize too that I am not happy with many aspects of our relationship which contributes to my lack of desire for him,....
......I'm having trouble liking him and I'm having trouble focusing on the positives in my relationship and I don't even feel like trying...in addition to having a very difficult time trying to figure out how to want sex when I am not feeling any sort of desire.
Your words could have been written by my wife about a year and a half ago (maybe even just a year ago).
I would suggest conseling with a sex therapist for both you and your husband together. I would suggest that you work on GAL and tranforming or changing yourself so you do things that make you happy. Happiness is contageous.
One thing that I kept repeating to myself was that "I can only change myself." Please start taking responsibility for your happiness. You should warn your husband of this change when it happens. Show him through actions that you can find happiness. You want him to understand (not by threats from you, but from seeing you change yourself) that he could loose you if he chooses not to change himself. He needs to understand that the new you is focused around happiness and he needs to contribute to your happiness if he is to remain part of your life.
Have you looked into the basis of your resentment and disappointment in your relationship? I mean looked deeply into your feelings. One of the things that was said in a marriage workshop I attended was that until I can explain my spouse's reasons for not doing something better than she can, I am not ready to attempt to negotiate a compromise with her on that topic.
It took me a long time to figure out how much I had hurt my wife. It also took her a long time to figure out how much she had hurt me. When she did figure that out, it really hit her hard as she knew exactly the kind of pain and anger I must have felt.
Good luck. Set some New Year's resolutions for yourself on gaining happiness and them make them happen.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
