On the dating front - went to a real-life party with real-life men the other day. Went with my best friend, who refuses to do online dating (she met two guys, wasn't totally attracted to either, and decided the whole online thing just "doesn't work for her".)
The party was thrown by an old friend and music business acquaintance of hers. We drove all the way to L.A. for it, but it was worth it. A party full of interesting accomplished people in an appropriate age range, with a relatively high ratio of men to women! If I could get invited to parties like that on a regular basis, perhaps I could meet a guy the old-fashioned way!
I chatted with several interesting men (and women) at the party. Got a couple of friendly good-night kisses when I went to leave - and one that seemed a little more than friendly. (When you give a friendly peck on the cheek, and a guy wraps an arm around your waist and plants one full on the lips...) Alas, that guy lives in New York, and I suspect is looking for a woman to have babies with - I'm not positive about his age, but I would guess early 40's.
The topic of online dating came up a couple of times during the evening - people love to talk about it and relate their horror stories.
I can't point to one specific thing in the conversation, but a lot of little things led me to that conclusion. We were talking about dating, about his online experience, about his difficulties dating since he travels back and forth between NY and LA. He doesn't appear to have kids, he just seemed like a guy who was looking for "the one", wife and kids scenario. For some reason, he struck me as more of a "haven't married yet but really want to" kind of guy, rather than "been there, done that". In which case, I really wouldn't be right for him. No more childbearing for me!
Still, if he lived in town, he was a guy I would at least go out on a date with. He was smart, fit, tallish for an Asian guy, very involved with a great charity. And although it's hard to guess his age, I'd put him somewhere in his early 40's - definitely a feasible age. But only really feasible for me if a guy has already had kids, or doesn't want them.
For some reason, he struck me as more of a "haven't married yet but really want to" kind of guy, rather than "been there, done that". In which case, I really wouldn't be right for him.
Isn't it funny how our expectations change? Whereas at one point in your ife you would have been receptive to a full on committment, now you find yourself feeling wary.
That's too funny bc you hit the nail on the head, ladies...
When I was on Match (I canceled it a couple weeks ago) I weeded out a lot of guys in late 20s/early 30s who were never married. They struck me as looking for the wife/future kids package and I have already done that...
In fact the guy I am casually seeing now actually asked me what I was looking for on our 4th date. He said he was not ready for anything serious so soon after his divorce and I was actually relieved! I said I was not looking for that either, just for someone fun to hang out with sometimes. He was relieved too...
For some reason, he struck me as more of a "haven't married yet but really want to" kind of guy, rather than "been there, done that". In which case, I really wouldn't be right for him.
Isn't it funny how our expectations change? Whereas at one point in your ife you would have been receptive to a full on committment, now you find yourself feeling wary.
Oh wait, maybe that's just me. LOL.
It's not necessarily that expectations change, as much as reality has changed. I am 45 years old and cannot have kids anymore. So any man who hasn't been married or had kids is probably not a good match for me. I wass married for over 20 years....not reallu sure if I want to go down that road again. Life changes us and what we want from it!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Yes, that's me too. At 54 I'm not having any more babies - and I just got my three off to college, I'm not looking to adopt or raise some guy's young children. Don't get me wrong, I love kids - but I'm ready to enjoy some time off from child-rearing.
So - if a guy hasn't had kids and wants them, it's just a heartbreak waiting to happen to get involved with them, whatever age they are. It's not so much about age as it is about stage of life.
Well, never having kids I might want to try the whole "bonus mom" thing? But, then again...what if I don't like it, but I like the guy? Geez...lots to think about.
Okay, so I met someone on fitness singles who might just be a nice person to date. He was just divorced in July so he isn't looking for anything serious either. We'll see. I've been contacted by guys who are 32 all the way to 62! Yikes!!! I'm not sure I want to be a "cougar," but I don't want date old guys either! They would never be able to keep up with me (in many ways). lol
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
There is definitely a lot to think about when it comes to kids! I have to consider my kids in any equation, not to mention the kids of someone I date! And I have done the "cougar" thing. I tend to attract younger guys, nit sure why... I really cannot imagine myself with an older man. The younger guy was fun. It was a fling, and I knew it wouldn't be anything more. But it was definitely fun and an ego-boost!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
