Firstly I need to thank you for your ongoing support. It has been vital to my sanity!!
I agree that going dark is the way to go. I have no intentions of being anything other than me so there will be no animosity on my part. H knows I am here if and when he wishes to talk again.
Today after reading the article on clingers and avoiders I stumbled across another interesting, thought provoking forum. It talked about people who feel the need to remain in control of others and the imbalance of power in these situations. Reading this helped me see myself as giving my power away to H. I have enabled his controlling behaviour by letting him have ow and still be friends with me, and by putting up with his outbursts.
Was he always like this? No! Perhaps there were tendencies.... I'm not really sure but certainly I have excused woeful behaviour and I deserve better.
I understand now that it's not me that has the issue but H. He lashes out at me as a way of regaining control. That's why he can be friends one minute; (when he knows he is in control) but if he is challenged he then feels he is losing control and fights even harder. His words are hurtful although I now realise he doesn't believe them. It's his desperate need to regain control.
However, while I pander to him and continue to give away my power H will continue to walk all over me.
Moving on is my only chance at a real relationship with me and with H. It will allow me time and energy for me and help my health as well. I am not at peace atm and I need to regain this balance.
I need to focus on my goals for 2011 and getting the settlement and divorce over with. This will take away his final power over me.
I know I will find this incredibly difficult!!! That's where your support is so important to me! Sanderika try fb. GAG and Rabbit can help you with this too.
I have decided to stop posting at least for now as I feel it ensures I remain focussed on H and not me! I can't continue to let him dominate my thoughts.
