This Storm Shall Pass

[Sanderika]

(((Cas)))

Great thread name, it is the absolute truth in more ways than one...PERFECT CHOICE

Your S is correct. Your H would go through with his demands and you would have been divorced by now if he truly wanted one from you.

Cas, if you think about it nothing would have stopped him if he was ready and really wanted this. You know him, I'm right and so is son. I have said the same thing about my H many times. H*ll, I still don't think my H wants one......

Your H is still eyeball deep in confusion. He has been taken by surprise by your "Close-Encounter" reconnection that occurred this spring, feelings for you stirred in him again. Your unconditional love, patience, forgiveness and generousity is what has him thrown.

Cas, you can keep forgiving him because you know in your heart and soul this man you see now is not your H. This H is his MLC personality. AND, down deep you know the real H (your H) will emerge one day from this h*ll he lives in now.

This man is the OW's created monster. I have said in my sitch so many times that my H and his OW make horrible people together. My hometown family and friends know exactly what I mean. My guess is the same in your H and his OW situation.

Further, I have been thinking....IMO, your H is being pressured by his OW (and probably MIL) to end the marriage with you. I think MIL lied to you. OW do not offer/make "no-pressure, complacent" lovers. Sorry, they are controlling, manipulative, self- centered, gold-digging b*tches with one thing in mind, marrying our H's.

He can spew such venom at you because he thinks if he pushes your buttons hard enough the Cas he doesn't like will emerge and then he can say "I knew it, she hasn't changed at all". This is where you beat him to his own game and you have the Cas he left buried deep forever, he only will ever see the Cas of today no matter how hard he tries to push, anger and intimidate.

It isn't you or D he is upset with, it is this chithole he has gotten himself stuck in. He feels better when he is mean to you because he is giving the OW and maybe MIL what they want. Which makes him feel even more like a creep because he doesn't want to be mean to you or D. AND, he doesn't want a divorce!!

IMO they probably talk smack about you to him, so every time you smile at him, speak kindly to him, do something nice for him it validates his reasons for not divorcing you.

I know this is crazy, crazy stuff....it's them though...really!!

NOW, he will draw the conclusion to do something like mine did. Look back at me....Did H doing something, he filed for a D in September and it didn't bring him what he wanted - NO WAY!!! He is still confused (his words) and will remain so until he makes up his mind once and for all.....This is the hard part because of the turmoil and all the time spent in working hard to maintain.

IMO, you go dark on H. You have some discussions with D to forgive her father. He will be stubborn, he's male after all. Wait on the papers until he asks for them. When he asks, you comply with a smile and forgiveness. It will only get nasty if you are willing to play nasty. My H knows I am not, thus our situation is far from nasty. I have my H confused because I behave the opposite of how expects me to and he likes who I am.

I am going to help you Cas in any way that I can. All I can offer you is my opinions and what's worked for me advice. I have 5.5 years of MLC drama under my belt. I've pretty much been around the barn with all the crap they can come up with.

It's not over til it's over and then it still won't be because it's a male MLC and they won't let go of us.......IMO a divorce will not change anything and they know it.

(((Warm Hugs and Thoughts)))

Sanderika