Hi Antonia, I have been away from the boards and everything having a great Christmas - what PEI has been saying is good advice for all of us. Also, being left does nothing for one's self esteem!
On the being nice to the WAS - I think this can be complex - there is the self worth issue, you describe so well, but also there is what I call the long habit of loving - all the good times in our marriages that will never be wholly erased. I am still generous to my spouse because of the good times, and because I am actually sorry for him. I am pretty much fine most of the time, but he isn't. Everything that PEI said about that is true.
We have to face ourselves very unflinchingly, and accept who we are, and change what we don't like.
