I don't understand why I forgive my H. I want to destroy, as in, tear limb from limb, the OW, but him? I am FAR too kind to him. I still don't understand why. I think it might have to do with self-esteem--as in, you believe that only HE gives you self-worth, so that you are willing to accept anything he does to you as ok in order not to lose him. That's a dangerous thing to believe, but I understand it and know I need to work past it.
Good for you for seeing that for what it is ... the answers are all within you. Take the time and the quiet to let them surface.
I also want to point out that the extreme rage you're feeling will hold you back. We all need to feel the anger, in order to process it and let it go ... but is yours truly directed where you think it should be? Is it a coping mechanism?
We can't help you dig, but know that we are standing by cheering you on!
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
