Sweetie ... I'm worried about you. I hear a lot of talk about making decisions and doing things "because" your husband has moved on and never looked back. I also read a lot of seeking external validation ... A LOT.
This is the time to fix what's broken ... and trust me when I tell you that it's not someone else's perception or views of you that needs fixin'. Antonia - now is the time to dig deep ... pick up that mirror and figure out why you feel so insecure. Where that comes from. Literally pick up a mirror ... look past all your perceived flaws and look into the heart of the woman that stares back at you. Why is she afraid? What is she afraid of?
I have no idea if you've read my story or not ... but I can tell you that my entire life, my entire marriage, was railroaded by my insecurities and fear. They turned me into a control freak. They killed my ability to be a loving partner. I made all kinds of excuses and rationalized and justified my way to hell and back. But I can now stand here and see that for what it was. I needed people, my parents, my coworkers, my friends, my husband to like and love me in order to feel good about myself. Sweetie you are looking at the epitome of "curvy" ... I'm 5'2", 160 lbs and I'm all curves in all the right places LOL! I'm not skinny, and won't ever be ... but I'm me and I'm learning to love every bit of me. Inside and out. I do not need a man's approving glance or attention to feel this way. I know I'm attractive, I know I'm smart, and funny and loud and obnoxious by times . I'm a great friend, an amazing mom and a good daughter and sister. This confidence comes from within ... this knowledge resides within me ... for the first time in my life.
Codependancy is a beast. So is needing the external validation. But you can slay them ... you must if you want to be able to offer a healthy you to a new relationship, with your H or with a new man in the future. If you continue to hitch your self worth to someone else's post what happens if it doesn't work out? Does your esteem and self worth tank again? Then someone else comes along and you feel happy again ... until it doesn't work for whatever reason ...
This is exactly where my stbXH is. He felt worthy because his highschool GF loved him, then I loved him ... and then the daily grind took over after the honeymoon was over and my control freak kicked into high gear. He thought I didn't like him anymore and his self esteem tanked. Then OW came along ... and BAM she thinks he's wonderful and he's in love. He likes himself again, but it's not because he truly does, it's because she thinks he's wonderful. I actually feel sorry for him, because if, when, she leaves ... he'll bottom out - yet again. He has no idea that he's ok just because he's ok. His entire sense of self worth is tied to external forces.
Dig Antonia.
Peace, PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
. I'm a great friend, an amazing mom and a good daughter and sister. This confidence comes from within ... this knowledge resides within me ... for the first time in my life.