ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
Thanks everyone for your "high fives" and Christmas wishes. I hope to have time to respond to your comments in the next few days.
Just wanted to give a brief update. .......Hadn't heard from XH since monday's TT game, but last night XH texted me about the Christmas card I helped his mother send him: "Hey.....Mom sent me a Xmas card!!! Who knew she was so resourceful!! Will drop off (my sister's) gift for you tomorrow late morning.....". I texted a reply this morning ("Your mom still has a few tricks up her sleeve.") and wrote that I would be home until 11AM because I had lunch plans. XH didn't see it, so I was on my way to the lunch when XH called on my cell. I cheerily answered by wishing him a Merry Christmas. He said he was 5 blocks from my house. I said that I was on my way to a lunch date and that I had texted him about my timeline this morning. He sounded surprised (probably surprised that I wasn't sitting at home --- GAG crosses her eyes) and said "Oh! I did't see that." He read the text message and then we decided he could leave the gifts in my garage. By that time he had arrived at my house and XH launched into a very friendly conversation on the phone telling me that I have ice dams starting on my roof (they can cause leaks in your roof) and that I would probably want to take care of them............That really surprised me because XH hasn't really shown much concern about my welfare since the bomb and this is the second time in a week that he has shown concern about me.........Interesting...............I told him thank you very much for looking at that. I've been wondering if I had ice dams.......We chatted for a bit, reconfirmed that I will visit his mother tomorrow at 1pm (interesting that many of you thought XH would plan to be at his mother's when I am there ---- I guess I'll have the answer tomorrow).
XH was still chatting in a friendly manner when I arrived at my destination and said "Hey, I'm sorry but I have to go. I've arrived at my destination." XH sounded surprised that I cut him off and kind of sounded like he was searching for words. It was a bit amusing.........................I sense that the tide might be turning, but as we all know, MCLers' thoughts and emotions can turn on a dime.
Regardless, I am truly amazed at how far we have come in the last 2 years. Two years ago, H/XH was really angry with me, would not talk to me about anything other than splitting up our assets. He had me served 2 weeks after Christmas that year.....One year ago our D became final on December 2nd. A few weeks before that I had told XH that it was our choice whether or not the D became final and that we had the power to change that decision. I was so hurt by the D that I couldn't bring myself to be friendly with XH after it became final. I went pretty dim for several months.......This year our R is different from the past. I think that kissing XH on monday made an impression on him and it appears that he is not running away.
Tonight he will go to BMF's XW's house to have Christmas Eve with all of them. There is a TT table in the basement and he always plays TT with BMF's college aged sons. I suspect GF#2 will be with him there. I wonder if someone will accidentally let it slip that XH plays TT with me???????????
I have come to believe that in my situation XH needs to feel the old $exual chemistry for me before he will be drawn back to me. I came to think this after reading DavidA's post where he wrote: "We are sharing a bedroom but not a bed. Intimacy does not exist between us. ..........She says not to expect anything from her as far as a romantic relationship goes and that she may never feel that way about me again.".............Missher, I like what you wrote about showing XH that the door is open using nonverbal cues. I am planning a few things for XH over the coming weeks.............
.........Before I go.......yesterday a co-worker told me about her sister whose XH left her 8 years ago. They had a very rancorous D. Sister's XH is a D attorney and was very mean. Only paid $300/month for child support. He dated a series of women 20 years his junior, but after several years came back to his XW and started pursuing her again. They have been quietly having a R for the past year. This will be the first year that they attend all of the family get togethers as a couple again. The families are skeptical but they are watching and not meddling. The XH has asked his XW to marry him again. She doesn't want to M him now but they are enjoying one anothers' company..........I found it interesting that they could find their way back to one another even after such a vicious D........Reconciliation can happen even after that.
Well, it's about time to leave for Christmas Eve service. Merry Christmas everyone!
Well I have the answer to yesterday's cliff-hanger.............XH did not show up at his mother's while I was there. Brought my cat to visit her and some gifts. I gave X-MIL two framed photos: one of her precious grandkitty and one of her and XH, taken at Thanksgiving several years ago. I also left several 4 x 6 photos on her kitchen table. One of the photos was of X-MIL, XH, and me, taken the first time I met X-MIL. That should give XH (and GF#2) something to think about (my bad ) .
...........oh, and I forgot to mention something about my convo with XH yesterday..........when I told him that I was on my way to a lunch date, XH asked "Who are you having lunch with?" That was pretty interesting because XH hasn't shown this type of curiosity before,....ever. I see this as a sign that XH has become more curious about me, probably because of the flirting. Thinking it's time to set up some TT dates with other folks to give XH something to think about.
Merry Christmas GAG and every wish to you for peace, joy and happiness in 2011.
Life is very interesting for you with XH atm. I love the curiosity that XH has over your lunch date. The fact that he asked is interesting in itself. All indications are that you are on the right path. MHL has provided wise advice from the male perspective. I like the idea of other TT partners..............it lets XH know how much you're enjoying life and your flirting is a by product of your love of life!
Thanks Sanderika, Seeking, Glam, Mila, Rabbit, Jack, Missher, and CW for your responses on Dec 21st. I hope to respond in the next couple days. You have given me a lot to think about. I will admit that right now I am a bit confused about whether I should proceed slowly or more quickly with the flirting. It seems to me that I'm hearing both ideas proposed. What I have been doing seems to be working, so for now I am going to proceed as I have been. Subtly flirty with a few surprises here and there to intrigue XH and keep him off balance a bit.
............so yesterday XH e-mailed me a medium-sized chatty e-mail about his visit to his mother's on Christmas Day. He went in the evening (he knew I'd be there at 1pm). Don't know if he went alone or not............but apparently he wasn't put off by the happy photo I left of XH, X-MIL, and me at his mother's place because he invited me to play TT this week: "Wasn't sure if we were trying to make a TT gig or not....Wed. or Thursday? Let me know if either might work." I waited until this afternoon to reply: "It sounds like your mom had a nice Christmas. When I was there I dressed her in that nice cranberry colored sweater for Christmas and put lipstick on her for her photo.....I wore my clingy cranberry knit dress with the strategically placed peephole, so we looked like twins!"....Then I wrote: "I have plans Thursday but I can play Wednesday. Let me know if this works for you and I will call to reserve “our” table. ;-)"
This evening XH texted me a photo of him standing in his backyard wearing the red and green striped elf hat with big pointy ears with a message confirming that Wednesday TT works for him. If you recall, that was the hat I gave him last week as a "Christmas gift" for him to wear when he is sitting in his hot tub "in the altogether".............I texted back "Nice hat! That was for hot rub wear though!"..........XH will think that when I texted "hot rub" it was a typo.............but it wasn't. Planting seeds...................and having a little too much fun trying to distract XH. (Rabbit, you have been a very bad influence on me! )
and kind of sounded like he was searching for words. It was a bit amusing.........................I sense that the tide might be turning, but as we all know, MCLers' thoughts and emotions can turn on a dime. 
(Rabbit, you have been a very bad influence on me! 
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