H talking D again.. after 3 mos. of piecing

[hbm]

Tomorrow is moving day. While packing today I had a few meltdowns. I guess its to be expected. If I hadn't I probably would have wondered what is wrong with me. It felt good to cry and let all my emotions out. I am so sad that my marrisge is ending.

H and I texted back and forth today and it was pretty much a bunch of arguing for the most part. He did finally say he was sorry which was a first. I know I need to stop all contact with him and ignore his texts if possible unless they are of importance such as bills, our house or divorce.

H is coming back from his sister's tomorrow night instead of Thursday so we will both be in the house together until Thursday. I told him he can sleep on the couch.

My parents are moving all my belongings tomorrow and storing them at their house. I am staying with a friend here in IA for a week to finish up things at my job. My last day is Jan. 7th. H is going to watch my dog until Jan. 7th while I am at my friend's house.

I am lucky to have so many good friends and family. But part of me still feels alone bc none of them have been divorced. I don't think they really know what it feels like or what I am going through. I am a very strong person for the most part, but I am still dying inside right now.

Is is so hard for me to wrap my brain around how this happened to me. My husband used to be such a wonderful guy. My friends were jealous because he treated me so well! None of them can believe this has happened. He was so loving and attentive. I never imagined he would do this to me.

I am trying to focus on my future and starting a life for myself. I am taking the steps to do this, but my mind is still preoccupied with thoughts of him most of the day. I hate it!!Today was especially difficult packing up all my belongings and memories I had with him.

I hope that once I leave IA on the 7th that I will stop thinking about him so much and be able to focus on ME.

I talked to my Atty and papers are being filed on Wednesday. I told my H and we agreed I would serve him myself this week.