I've been reading along for a few weeks now and it's clear that your H is a big fat cake eater. He’s making me cross. When I read your post this morning I said (outloud) “asshat” (my colleagues were intrigued!!) He wants you both. His OW for his new MLC life and you for keeping everything like "it used to be".
It's like he wants 2 wives.
I've seen you say a couple of times that a few months ago you felt taken advantage of and pulled back - but that seemed to make the relationship deteriorate. You're right - it will deteriorate at first when you demonstrate to him that he can't have the best of both worlds. They are like children not getting what they want so they take it out on you. He’ll have a tantrum. He’ll be cross. But girl – you gotta give this man space to miss you. Give him enough time to get over his anger that you won’t let him have you as well as OW … and then let him think about what that means.
It’s true that may take a while. But it’s better for you than this painful ride where it’s like he’s still having an illicit affair – doing the “family” stuff with you and the “partner” stuff with OW. That’s not OK.
Now – a gentle reminder about detachment. I understand why you are hurt he included OW with D at Christmas. However, to his mixed up mind he’s done the right thing. He’s had a Xmas with you and D and then a meal with OW and D. He thinks he’s getting it right. Giving a bit of himself to the “family” and a bit of himself to the new “relationship” and including his D in both parts of his life. That makes perfect sense to him. His cards to you and D at Christmas indicate he thinks he’s on the right track. He’s sorry for what he’s done to you, but isn’t it great that it’s all over now and we can all get on. He’s VERY detached. You need to take a does of that detachment too girlfriend. Please don’t let his decisions affect you.
You are a powerful oak tree. You know yourself and you know you are OK. You stand strong no matter how powerful the winds around you are. It doesn’t matter what he decides to do – because you are strong and you are going to be OK. Let it go.
In relation to your daughter being uncomfortable, disappointed etc – she needs to talk about that with her dad.
Take care Mila. V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
