I am the same Antonia...I have been with my H since high school. We never dated other people or cheated on each other - even though we went to different colleges. I remember thinking when my bomb dropped July 3rd that I wouldn't even know how to kiss another man let alone BE with another man - love him. I remember thinking that I would never have sex again. seriously thought that.
Although I DON'T recommend this to ANYONE, I will tell you that I did have a little fling with another man about a month ago. It was a huge mental hurdle for me. I realized that I could love again and be loved and it could be wonderful. Like I said, I DON'T RECOMMEND YOU GO OUT AND FIND YOUR OWN HURDLE TO JUMP OVER! but just learn from me, IF things don't work out with your H. You are totally capable of love again.
I thankfully kept my "hurdle" as a fling and didn't get involved with him. I knew I was vulnerable and just wanted to feel wanted. I knew that I was subbing this guy for my H. I needed my H to want me, love me - not this guy. That being said, it doesn't mean that it wasn't really, really nice. I don't regret it, I am not ashamed. Will it cause future problems/complications with my H if we really do get back together - yes. And for that I want to kick myself. But at the time it was what I wanted to do. period.
Super long story short...don't think that your happiness your capacity for love will end with your marriage (IF it ends).
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
but just learn from me, IF things don't work out with your H. You are totally capable of love again. 
