Antonia ... I can't be five years old anymore, but I don't give up those memories and pretend I wasn't happy at that point. If he wasn't capable of loving anyone (and FTR I don't really believe this to be true, but it explains how he felt at the time) then that is NOT about you. It's about his emotional availabitlity and maturity.
Ladies ... I hate to say it, but all of this shame and anger screams lack of self confidence to me. This is really about you! IMO, it seems that you don't feel worthy of love, that you don't have the confidence to know you deserve it, and had it. And we call all say we believe it ... but do you? Really? Deep down, in the dark of night ... do you truly believe it?
If you love yourself and understand that your H's crisis is about him, then you don't feel inadequate or unlovable or insignificant. His crisis is not about you.
I feel a lot of compassion for my stbXH ... what ever he had going on inside had to be very painful and ugly to drive his decisions and choices over the last year. I know I did the best I could with what I had at the time. I'm not a monster and I wasn't perfect. I have three beautiful children to walk forward into the rest of my life with. And I will walk forward, confident and self aware of my strengths and my weaknesses. This crisis was his, but it was my opportunity.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
