How do I remove this boulder? How do I get rid of the shame I feel for being so stupid? His complete detachment appears to me to be validation of all of the hurtful words and revelations he shared with me.
Irish,
Be kind to yourself.
My H is completely and totally detached. He has said some very hurtful things in the last year and continues moving forward with his new life with OW. I no longer want him or my marriage back. I too am detached, lovingly. We are friendly and are parallel parenting the best we know how to do. I continue to take the high road and move forward one step at a time, without regrets .
There are few things I know for sure, but I can tell you, that he loved me very much. I now know that our marriage was not perfect, but I will not let him steal our good memories from me. They look back at me from 15 years of smiling photos and the faces of my three children. You are not a fool. Neither am I. Their feelings may have changed, or perhaps they claim they have to rationalize or justify their behaviours and confusion. Who knows. I don't. But I do know he loved me very much the day he married me. And the days our children were born. And many of the days in between. I don't hold onto that to keep me in the past, but to honour it. It was real.
Shame and guilt serve you no purpose. Loving someone is nothing to be ashamed of. Stand with your head high, and move forward on your path Irish.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
