I can do this...

[irishblessings]

Thanks all for your perspectives. Much food for thought.

I am in a place right now where I think I am denying the truth about my state of heart. I think I continue to be hurt by H's complete detachment. While I have been dark from him since August - the fact that there has been NO glimmer of hope is disheartening. To me it is as if it validates that he is right and I have been a fool. He has never loved me, never wanted me and our 25 year marriage has been a farce. How could I have been so blind? I always thought of myself as an intuitive person - sensitive to other people's feelings. I find that I am blown away today by the ease with which H disposed of me and created a new life for himself. I want so much to let this go - to not feel this hurt and pain any longer - but it is there - like a boulder in my heart and soul. I know it sounds dramatic - but it is the best way I can describe this heaviness in my heart.

How do I remove this boulder? How do I get rid of the shame I feel for being so stupid? His complete detachment appears to me to be validation of all of the hurtful words and revelations he shared with me.