2 years later it's still not getting easier

[whitneypinch]

Update.
I just had 9 of the most fantastic days alone with my kids. I am very lucky in that I get my kids on Christmas forever. My XW is Jewish.
We did so many fun things, dealt with us all being sick, had a great Christmas etc.

Over the month leading up to Christmas I had a lot of contact with XW. It's mostly about the kids but occasionally about other things. My XW and I get along fantastically. I started to get expectations every-time I spoke to her. I just can't seem to handle not having expectations. I just can't.

I start to have my phone with me everywhere hoping she will call etc. When she does not I get upset etc. Expectations are a biatch.

My XW now has our kids and is in Florida for a week long vacation with her family. We all used to do this every year.

I just got to the breaking point. I emailed my XW saying I just could no longer go along with these cute little emails back and forth when we have a family in ruin. I told her if she wanted to deal with our family then fine, if not I was no longer going to be a part of these cute little emails.
It's just too painful to get email photos from her of my kids on their Florida trip.
It's just too painful to see that and not be there.

I know this is probably not the best approach but for me it's easier to get through my day not expecting contact from her.

When I dropped my kids off yesterday something happened for the first time. My 7 year old daughter started crying when I was to leave. I lost it too and had tears.
I just hate to see my kids in pain. I am glad my XW saw that though.
Honestly my XW thinks this situation is great. She says she is so happy about our relationship..blah blah blah

So, we will see how this week goes while my kids are away. I am sure my kids will phone me a bunch of times.
BTW they never phone my XW when they are with me.