It'a All About Me

[Sanderika]

(((Cas)))

Thank you for your happiness about my Christmas. I have definitely learned that the good is usually followed by bad. H did spend the day with us again yesterday. Son and H did some chores in our barn. We played wii games and had lunch as a family. H napped again for a couple of hours. He mentioned he wanted a moment to just relax. I am happy he picked our home. He was here for a long time 1:00pm til 9:00pm.

About You:

You see H is cycling.....He does not want the paperwork.

In regards to your attempt to deliver paperwork:

"Can't meet you Cas, I have to work".

"Can't take the papers Cas, I don't really want them".

You have attempted to deliver what he wants, and he doesn't want them, thus the refusal to accept. He will continue to find excuses to ignore the facts which are that he demanded the papers before Christmas.

At this point you can either send them to him via the post (make him have to sign for his mail) or make one last attempt to hand deliver, in either case if he doesn't want them he will stuff them in a draw "out of sight - out of mind". OR, you could let it be and not attempt again which will once again place it on him to ask for them. FYI, I would do the latter.

FYI, I would not respond one word back to an insulting or threatening email. Let him spew, he will realize it's not getting him any satisfaction because you are not falling for his tantrum with a response.

He is threatening/insulting due to his own turmoil and how badly he has screwed up his life. He feels if he threatens you and D, the two people who probably mean the most to him, he regains control and can continue on his "all about me" path. This will backfire on him because in reality he does not want you all out of his life . Another reason he is going to fight it is to save face. H can't let others know that he admittedly has screwed up big time. At some point in the crisis it really does become a fight inside them to save their stupid, egotistical, a-hole image that they have created by leaving us/family in the first place.

I would ignore him like crazy. Let him have his pity-party.

About your D: He has no right to be mad at daughter. He is lashing out at her because he is mad at himself. Take D's money and transfer it to a new account in her name and yours, since D is a minor. This is an action H has taken in a pi$$ed off moment, he WILL wish he hadn't done it.

IMO, your H is depressed. He is at a point in this crisis that he has to do something. My H has been there several times. When this is happening, I make myself completely scarce (like I don't even know him). I ask nothing of H, I pretend I am a stranger....not even a wave when passing in traffic. In every case....H can take this for just so long and then he comes around like a long lost wayward soul. A soul who seeks the familiarity of belonging to others/family.

I am feeling like this is a temporary spell with your H. If he is anything like mine (I think he is), simply leave him alone in every sense of the word. Do not initiate any communication.

I would however, encourage D to mend the issue between herself and her father. I have realized, by example, that over the years my encouragement of the relationship between my son and his father has been a tremendous factor in the rebuilding of the relationship between myself and H.

I am with you (((Cas))), our journeys are not over yet.....

Sanderika