G is somewhat fatherly to my kids, His kids don't need another mother, so I'm really just their friend.
The first guy I dated after my divorce, his kids mother was addicted to crystal meth, and was a bit of a nomad, so I became more of an aunt to them (their grandma lived with them, so she was the mother figure really). He and I becamse like brother and sister after the dating relationship, and his kids and I are still very close (he passed away 5 years ago).
I dated right away after my divorce, and it was a mistake, I think. My kids weren't ready for that.
But with G, my kids have seen our whole dating relationship and saw us break up and get back together, and have seen each of us change our behaviors for the other. This part is beautiful. And my daughters are learning to do this a little bit in their own relationships. So there is something to be said for that. It would be better if we had a whole loving family intact from the beginning. But I give them what I can give them.
You will find the way to teach your kids. And they will learn it by your actions. I think single parents live in a glass bowl, you don't have the buffer of your spouse, so your kids see every little thing you do and feel. Just do your best.
Keep the doors open with your H, just try gently encouraging him to visit.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
