And so here we go. Had a terrible Christmas to say the least. On the thursday before Xmas, my wife had asked if I could watch our son because she was going to hang out with all the female managers at her workplace (they all had day off). I was fine with that. My parents were in town and stayed to play with our son that day too.
So, I had noticed my wife cleaned out her purse completely and all that was in there was a gift receipt for a Men's XXL fleece jacket that she bought with cash right after we got sep bank accounts. I dont wear XXL and needless to say I didnt get anything from her for Xmas. Just a dollar store card from our son. Also noticed some directions to an expensive hotel about 40 mins away from here. The directions were typed up with no names, etc on it.
So, my wife left at about 11am and came back at 5pm. I asked how everyone was and she said they were fine. I didnt go into anything else at that time. The next day, my W had a victorias secret bag out on the counter. She exchanged a $50 bra for a different size. She left the gift receipts out in plain sight almost begging for me to see them. Seems she got a pair of undies as well. Again, she left the gift box out right in her room (i have to go in and out of there daily to use bathroom).
So, thats where I am at today. The W has not told me about OM at this point but Im sure we are headed for that conversation. I am going to wait and get more evidence before talking with her. Im just having a really tough time today. I went from being furious to just being numb overnight.
Funny thing is that my W has been acting really nice since my last post 10 days ago. She was opening up to me, talking like friends, and taking more of an interest in what I was doing. She made my favorite type of cupcakes and left them for me on Xmas day and really opened up with alot of conversation about her friends, job, etc.
I am just a bit confused on where to go from here. My heart is telling me to just shut down. She sent me some text last night and I couldnt even respond. It was nothing important but just the sight of her name on my phone got me nauseuas.
I mean, we still live in the same house and raise our 2 year old boy together. We hardly have a legit separation in VA as we cook together, hang out, and spend most of day together. She does get on the computer alot and I have little doubt that she is talking to OM.
Im just really disappointed and hurt at the moment. My wife has been feeling the strain as well. She has been breaking out in rashes on her face and has been to the doctor several times. She talked to me about not having her period for 55 days (hence the birth control) and that the doctors said it was due to "stress." Its like she is trying to send out all of the signals but Im not sure what she is looking for. If this is an OM at work (which all signs point to), there are very few choices. One would be her boss and that would be a horrible situation. The few men at her workplace are married with children.
It seems like she is almost being obvious about everything and wants to get caught. I know the guilt is eating her up but Im just confused as she is finally getting warmer with me and opening up. Its either she wants guidance getting out of this A or she is trying to cake eat. I just cant see my W talking to me, etc like she has just out of guilt. She seems totally lost right now. She gave my mom and hug yesterday and would not let go of her. Not sure what was going on there but my mom said it felt like my W was going to collapse into her.
Just looking for a bit of guidance and support from you all right now. I have been doing great with GAL and 180s but now im just in a funk. Cant seem to eat anything. Ive lost 30lbs since this started (i wasnt overweight either). Just unsure of how to act around her when she comes home. The friendly approach and asking her questions was making progress but now I just feel defeated and done with her.
Also, what is the best way to approach the conversation about OM. I have read a few things about staying calm and setting boundaries. I am just looking for a bit more detail if possible. For the first time since this started, I again feel "lost." I know I am not alone and my sitch is far from unique. I just dont know how to continue down this path when my W is right in the room next to me and looking for conversation/friend. Just in shock today.
Thank you in advance for your advice. Hope you all had a wonderful holiday.
