Really Confused

[girlfromipanema]

I'll do my best to give some female perspective, but I don't know that it will be all that helpful.

Given all of that I have a few questions and would especially like to hear female perspectives.

1. Was my W’s declining interest in sex due to my lack of romance and foreplay? It could have played a role. For me, I need more than just constant sex. If he helps around the house or makes me feel like he is giving back to the relationship equally, I'm more sexual.
2. Did swinging temporarily make her feel good b/c other men found her attractive and she thought my saying so was just an expected response from a H? I have no idea. Swinging is something I would never be able to consider. I'm not a prude, but when I married, I decided to give myself completely to my h and expected the same in return. I would never enjoy sharing myself or him with anyone else. Ever.
3. Was she lying when she told me she was enjoying herself? You should have an honest conversation with yourself and see if you can come up with the answer.
4. Once it started upsetting me, was she swinging by herself as a weapon against me? Why would she want to use it as a weapon against you?
5. Did she feel worthless b/c I had stopped “making love” to her and was just having sex with her like all these other guys? It would make me feel worthless if my husband ever suggested I had sex with another man.
6. Did her sex drive really disappear? Sex is emotional for most women. If her emotions died, then it's likely her sex drive died as well.
7. If she had no sex drive why is she having a PA now? Especially since I have that gut feeling that they are having sex a lot. Her sex drive may have died with you because of the emotional death, but if her emotions are tied up with this new guy, she'll most likely have a raging sex drive. Think back to when you two first got together. The endorphines of a new and exciting relationship make sex a wonderful thing.
8. She told me to date (b/c she was going to date while separated) and from third parties I heard she said she doesn’t care who I have sex with; should I date? Should I go ahead and have sex with other people? Honestly, my advice would be for you to focus on yourself and imagine the kind of marriage you truly want first.