Very, very different holiday. H spent an hour with kids this morning - then moved on to his "new" family. I was very sad that we were all apart - but I went a did some things myself and I was ok.
H missed out on S's excitement over buying his gf a gift. He was so cute watching me wrap them - making sure I did it just right. What a blessing - what a gift.
Tonight it is just me and my middle D. S is with girlfriend's family / oldest D is with boyfriend's family. I was prepared for the kids to move on but I always thought I'd be home with H. It is not meant to be.
But I am ok.
Merry Christmas to wonderful friends!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Friends, Happy Christmas to all. Very tough day - beautiful moments with kids - intense moments of loss experienced by us all. S came home from midnight mass last night and just fell into bed with me and sobbed about how much he missed his dad. Girls upset because they feel like their dad knows Christmas morning is an early kind of thing and they didn't hear from him (in text of course) until noon. I tried very hard to keep focus on them and maintain the menus, traditions, etc. that they love. Now I am home alone. Ready to sleep and put this time behind me. I am not beating myself up - I think I made a happy day for the kids when they were here. Tomorrow is another day. IB
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
You did a VERY loving thing for your children today by providing the stability and loving expression of your family's Christmas traditions. You are a GREAT mom! I hope that your busy day tired you out enough so that you will be able to sleep tonight.
Just throught I'd check in on you and see how your Christmas went. It was tough, but you made it through it with grace and dignity. You did what you had to do for your children. And you did it well.
As GAG said, hope you slept well last night, and can put this hard Christmas behind you. Next week, New Year's - New Start, New Dreams, New You. Use this week to make your plans for what you will do for yourself in the New Year. Oh, you will always be there for your kids, you've proven that to them and everyone else, but plan to take some time for yourself and what YOU want from the coming year.
Thanks all - I am relieved that Christmas is over but I have to say I am emotionally exhausted. Need to recover. Still way too hurt by losses. Just taking it slow. Is this normal?
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Absolutely. Taking it slow is the only way to take it, IMHO. I also believe the hurt will always be there, or the scars of the hurt, but they will lessen in pain.
Home alone for a bit. Nice and quiet. Just read an entire novel - "The Midlife Chronicles" by Robyn Harding. Cute book - familiar:) Kids are out with their social lives - I'm recovering. S is very hurt by his dad only sending one text yesterday on Christmas. I really don't believe H has a clue as to the little messages his actions or lack of actions send. Just another symptom...
Mistake or not, I sent H a text late last night that said - "Please don't respond - just wanted you to know you were missed by all today." He spent all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with OW and her adult children and family.
Middle D and I talked last night about rejection. The kids have each, at different points, expressed their concerns that they would end up like their dad. They get scared that they don't have a sense of understanding of the difference between selfishness and taking care of themselves. I really just let them talk through it - just have them think about what they can live with in terms of their own decisions. Deep down they are all worried about what is really wrong with their dad.
It's a sad situation. But I believe that they do feel safe here at home and for that I am very glad.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
